on what I want the younger (and older) girls to know...

I want you to know that you are both beautiful. You and the girl you are comparing yourself to; you are both worthy and lovely and absolutely amazing in very specifically different ways. 

I want you to know that it is okay to think boys are cute and fun, because they are cute and fun, but they aren't meant to consume your whole life. You are a whole person, whether you are in or out of a relationship. 

I want you to know that the list of things you want in a future husband changes, and praise the Lord for that because the most important things are not that he loves dogs, plays football, has brown hair, and listens to country music. 

I want you to know that a Jesus centered life is better than a Pinterest worthy life.

I want you to know the power of Jesus, the true power of who He is and what He does with our lives. He died for your sins and three days later rose from the grave, conquering death and claiming victory for humanity. He can redeem, restore, provide, prepare, lavish grace, love, and truth. He can take everything you have done and turn it into something beautiful, even the ugliest of things. 

I want you to know the power of dancing and singing and laughing.

I want you to know that God is big enough for your emotions. You are allowed to be mad, sad, excited, frustrated, confused, messy, and wild. 

I want you to know that you should eat the fries, buy the dress, say the nice thing, smile at the boy, read the book, go to the beach, buy yourself flowers, take a trip.

I want you to know that life is too short to be uncomfortable in your own skin.

I want you to know how important it is to find a mentor, for someone to show you how to live for Jesus in the middle of the mundane. Invite someone into your life to keep you accountable, to be a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with, a sister to encourage you in truth, and someone to come over on a Friday night with pizza and ice cream and a chick flick (preferably written by Nicholas Sparks, amen?).

I want you to know that the way you treat people matters. 

I want you to know that life is full of really good things. But there is a difference between good things and godly things, learn to discern the difference. 

I want you to know that we were never meant to "have it all" and "do it all".

I want you to know that there are worse things than gaining weight, a bad haircut, not having a boyfriend or a husband or kids, not having enough "likes" on Instagram, or not being invited to the party. It is far worse to be unkind, ungrateful, ungodly. 

I want you to know the value in having fun and not taking yourself too seriously. Give yourself some grace. 

I want you to know that life is hard, but God is good. Seriously. He is the treasure.

I want you to know that the church is powerful and is the most beautiful source of encouragement and community.

I want you to know that you are loved. SO FREAKING LOVED. Just because you aren't loved by the people you want or in the ways you want, doesn't mean you aren't. 

I want you to know that I am cheering for you, don't give up, you've got this.

on sunfish and scary places...

Confession: deep water scares me.

I specifically remember jumping off the side of a boat out at Folsom Lake when I was in high school and swimming frantically back to the boat for fear of what was in the water with me. And I didn't jump back in again. I stayed on the boat, where I thought I was safe and known. Fear does that, it scares us out of the good things. 

This week a large species of sunfish was found off the coast of Portugal. And listen, before you think I am some fish connoisseur, let me assure you I'm not, I just like to keep up with current events, especially ones that are fun and completely unrelated to The White House. Divers discovered this massive sunfish; you can watch the video here. It's amazing to think about how there are fish we have never seen down in those deep waters; big fish and small fish, glow-in-the-dark fish and black fish, ugly fish and beautiful fish. Just because we can't see them, doesn't mean they aren't there. 

I can't help but think about how my heart kind of feels like that deep, dark water sometimes. There are places where I am willing to go and places where I am scared of diving in for fear of what might be there. Proverbs 20:5 says that "a purpose in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out..." This verse has been an anthem of prayer over the past few weeks. A man of understanding is willing to dive into the depths of his own heart, to seek wisdom and self-awareness, to see what might be living down in the deep. I want that for myself.
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                                                                "A man of understanding is willing to dive into the depths of his own heart..."

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Now more than ever, I'm experiencing the vastness of my own heart. The waters are deep and the waves are tumultuous, and at times, completely overwhelming. There are feelings and thoughts and prayers that are completely new territory, and I feel like a diver discovering new fish; some are scary, some are beautiful, some are ugly. But the deeper I dive and the darker it becomes, the more opportunity I have to reach those places with light and truth. There are deep places of hope, insecurity, desire, grief, and brokenness. That's a lot to discover, a lot of tension to live in.

Some days, I am tempted to stay in the shallow areas and I am sure you are too, where we can see clearly, where we don't have to do any hard work, where we can wade around in clear, crystal, seemingly perfect moments. Shallow water allows us to see with ease, but there is something beautiful about the depths; they can be scary and at times hurt like hell, but the beauty of discovering God in those places... it's worth it. We discover Jesus as the Sustainer, the Comforter, the Great Planner and Protector, as the Great Foundation, the Grace-Giver, and the Quick-to-Compassion God. We discover that we're extremely complex, full of feelings and experiences and tensions. We discover that God is God, we are human, and that's how it should be. We discover that it's okay to feel simultaneously, to grieve and to celebrate.

May we not be too scared to miss out on the scary-good things at the bottom of our hearts. I don't want fear to be the boss of me and scare me out of the the heart work, out of the good places, like it did that day on the lake. I want to dive deep and discover both the ugly and the beautiful, so that Jesus may have His way within me.

on guards and walls...

Hi, my name is Kristi, and I am a Feeler.

It's hard living life as a Feeler. Being a Feeler means I filter life through my heart, not my head. Being a Feeler means I bear my burdens and the burdens of others in a very serious way. Being a Feeler means I am quick to trust and quick to love; it means discernment and gut instinct over fact and formula. I tend to love people and things when love doesn't make logical sense. My heart carries a lot within it, and by a lot I mean A FREAKING LOT. I like this about myself, I truly do, but sometimes, having a big heart means you need to install big boundaries. Because when you wear your heart on your sleeve, when you love everyone and everything with all you have, you are exposed to a serious amount of pain, rejection, and false hope.
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"...sometimes, having a big heart means you need to install big boundaries..."

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Recently, I can feel myself beginning to install walls around my heart; big, hefty, Home Depot-type walls. The walls are being laid brick by brick, sort of haphazardly and unintentionally. There is no rhyme or reason, there is just construction. Where once there was liberty to hope, there is the beginnings of a hedge. 

The Bible speaks of the heart as both a wellspring and as wicked. In Proverbs 4:23 we are warned to guard our hearts and in Jeremiah 17:9 we are told that we aren't to trust it. A wellspring bent towards wickedness, that's our heart. Wellsprings and wickedness and walls... What do we do with all of that? (Seriously, asking for a friend myself.)

In an effort to try and understand my own heart and my own hopes, I am resting in a place that says guards are healthy and needed. Guards are healthy, walls are not. Guards are meant to keep something safe while walls are meant to close off. A guard allows my heart to be protected, a wall confines my heart to be hidden. In my plight to keep myself safe, sometimes I end up closing myself off completely, and that is not a tendency that I want to cultivate. 

We all want to be safe. We all want to be protected from pain, from embarrassment, from shame, from false hope. Friends, there is nothing worse than a false hope, of this I am absolutely sure. And this is why I want the walls... I want the walls because earthly love does fail. Earthly love disappoints and expects too much, it has too much potential for pain.  But, in the fear of false hope, we cannot lose all hope. While I was listening to the words of Ellie Holcombs "Love Never Fails", my prayer echos her words: "Oh Lord, help me to live like love never fails..."
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"...in the fear of false hope, we cannot lose all hope..."

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I want to live like love never fails, because real love is unfailing. I want to live like love never fails, because love itself offers as a wall of protection. I want to live like love never fails, because I don't want to live like love fails. When we live like love never fails, we love without fear and without expectation and without walls. 

His hope is secure and His love is unfailing, I am praying my heart finds solace and comfort in that place, and that I allow His secure hope and unfailing love to act as guards, protecting me and softening me from the walls I continue to build.

on wounds and redemption...

Somewhere down the line, you have been wounded. You have a terrible father or had a terrible relationship; you experienced death of a loved one or of a dream. Your heart took a pretty big beating, with one too many punches, and it ended up in a really scary, broken, bruised place. 

We all have it, the wound. I know what mine is as I write this, you know what yours is as you read these words. Wounds always leave scars. My body is host to many, both physically and emotionally, and I am sure They say that the ugliest scars have the best stories, which can be true, but sometimes the ugliest scars have the simplest stories. Simple, common experiences that are very heavy and painful, because simple does not always means easy. Simplicity can still have a profound impact. 

"I didn't get the job..." Simple, but great.
"She cheated on me..." Simple, but great.
"My parents divorced..." Simple, but great.
"My best friend passed away..." Simple, but great.
"He told me he never really loved me..." Simple, but great.

These experiences lead us to a re-wiring. It leads us to believe lies as a coping mechanism. Suddenly, everything was different... The things you believed about yourself, about people, and maybe even about God completely changed. The wounds begin to whisper into your life, subtly gaining traction, becoming louder and louder. Now, your filter is a little bit skewed and you can't really discern the difference between a lie and a truth. We get confused about who we are and what makes us; we begin to live out of self-given titles and insecurities. We begin to believe that we are not worthy, we are not impressive, we are not strong, we are not beautiful, we are not accepted, we are not wanted. I understand this grey area. Too often, I live out of this place. And our culture does not help us out with this, which is why we MUST lean into the grace of God and the identity given to us as His children. 

Scars are not pretty. They expose the wound that once was, that thing that led to excruciating pain, bleeding, possible stitches, maybe even an actual surgery. They remind us of the fear, the turmoil, the pain. Scars will always be there, but we can choose to see them as evidence of brokenness or evidence of healing. 
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Scars will always be there, but we can choose to 

see them as evidence of brokenness or evidence of healing. 

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And what about healing? Healing takes time, yes, and a huge dose of the Holy Spirit. Healing looks different for everyone. Your healing might look like a night out with your crew, complete with some seriously great pizza, car-dancing, and a Redbox. Your healing might look like sitting in a counselors office every Monday at 5:30PM for two years. Your healing might look like a creating a blog or reading a book or having a coffee date with a mentor. Healing takes time, and only you know how much you will need. Don't rush it, but do be open to it.

Do not let your wounds define you. Do not believe the lies that the wounds will tell you. Do not be afraid to invite people into those wounds. YES THIS IS SCARY. I understand that this is uncomfortable and opens a door for potentially even more damage BUT, this also opens the door for redemption. 

I am thankful for people in my community who have redeemed my wounds, who have replaced my broken images with ones full of love, grace, and truth. I can only pray that I am that for others; that I can be a safe, redemptive place. Maybe I will be the one to redeem someones view of friendship, of a Christian, or of a woman in general. 

We are all wounded, we are all limping away from the process, seeking healing and redemption for the broken, beat up things. May we see our wounds be a part of the story, but not the story. 

So buckle down, choose to believe truth, and dive into the thing that scares you and requires a little bit of risk, because that is the evidence of healing. 

on impatience and perseverance...

One thing that I have learned to be true about Jesus? He is not subtle. When Jesus wants you to do something or learn something, you know. And lately, I know.

At the beginning of this month, I read Annie Downs new book, "Looking for Lovely". I may or may not have finished it in two days and everyone needs it in their personal library. Please go to your local bookstore and pick up a copy right now. She speaks A LOT into the idea of what perseverance looks like in her life, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. She even got a tattoo (which is not happening for me because I am indecisive and hate all kinds of pain). 

This year, I studied through Acts with a group of women at my church. Paul and the early church knew what it meant to persevere in every sense of the word. 

Twenty one days ago, I started Whole 30 and running (again), which, enough said.

For the next few months, my church is making our way through 1 & 2 Thessalonians. This past Sunday, we were encouraged in the way of perseverance. 

Are all these things a coincidence? Absolutely not. Jesus is purposeful and intentional and answering big heart prayers. My theme this year is cultivate, and He is doing just that, building parts of my faith that I didn't really know existed, strengthening parts of it that already do. Perseverance seems grueling and exhausting; the connotation seems negative. We tell people to persevere when they are weak and hurt and amidst a trial, but what about persevering through normal things? Like maybe young motherhood, singleness, a mediocre job, financial problems, the last semester of high school, a transition in ministry, or cleaning your house after a long day of work? Is perseverance only reserved for the hard seasons in life? 

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...underneath the normal is the hum of God doing the unseen, 
and to see that, we must keep going.

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Right now, my life is not hard. My money is spent on normal adult things, morning coffee, and the occasional adventure or new dress. My time is spent with people I love and who make me laugh and remind me of truth. My relationship with God is good and abundant. And still, there is this quiet whisper underneath all of these studies and sermons and seasons... "Keep going." Sometimes we need that for our everyday, run-of-the-mill lives because underneath the normal is the hum of God doing the unseen, and to see that, we must keep going (because I don't know about you, but I want to see that stuff, the stuff that Jesus is working on underneath it all).

Perseverance is good and necessary regardless of your season or status because it's a means of sanctification. He uses it to make us more like Him, to mold us into strong, loving, gracious, truthful people. Because we don't know what the middle of the story holds and we don't know how the story finishes, but we do know the God who does. We persevere because we know Him. 
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The opposite of impatience is not patience, it is perseverance...

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And recently, my heart has been so impatient and full of questions and wonder. I sat in my chair a few weeks ago, letting the truth of Scripture wash over me, contemplating the lives of the early church, and it struck me... The opposite of patience is not impatience, it is perseverance. When I focus on being patient, I feel stuck and trapped, but when I focus on perseverance, I feel hopeful and aware of what God is teaching me. Patience is birthed out of places of frustration, perseverance is birthed out of places of focus. For me, patience is seen as the last straw, almost like a coping mechanism for when my personal desires are not met. Maybe the goal isn't to become patient, but to build up endurance, to persevere. 

God never calls us to begin, He calls us to finish and to finish well, and by His grace that is actually possible. Perseverance is good. For the student turning in their last assignment of the semester, perseverance is good. For the man who is waiting until marriage and fighting the temptation of pornography, perseverance is good. For the woman wanting a husband or babies or grand babies, perseverance is good. For the new mom who is washing milky bottles instead of washing her hair, perseverance is good. For the person who is interviewing for job after job and facing rejection, perseverance is good.

And so, we persevere, I persevere, because He who calls us is faithful and will give us the grace to endure and to finish. 

on grape juice & crackers...

There were more empty chairs than usual last night. Empty chairs in the church, full chairs in the slew of restaurants around town.

We took communion on Valentines Day. I don't think I have ever taken communion on Valentines Day before; we sang about God being the Good Father, how it's who He is and how we are loved by Him, and I couldn't help but dwell on the love, the cup, the bread, the secret things.

The cup and the bread, representing the blood and the body that was spilled and broken for me, for you, for humanity in its entirety. The death that brought hope; the death that ushered in salvation and life and faith. My heart pounded as this verse was read, reminding me of my sin, reminding me that I am not in control and that that I am wanting things that do not even belong to me.
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"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that

 are revealed belong to us and to our children forever…" 

- Deuteronomy 29:29

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What are the secret things? What are the things that you think you have the right to know, but God reserves that right only for Himself? Maybe it's the secret of marriage, the secret of babies, the secret of salvation for family members, the secret of healing from sickness, the secret of writing a book or starting a non-profit. Our hearts yearn for knowledge, sometimes we seek the answers to the secret things more than our Savior. The cup, the blood, holds those secret things safely. The bread, the body, was broken in order to give life to those secret things. Just because there are things you haven't yet been given or things that have not yet been revealed to you, doesn't mean that they don't exist or that they are in an unsafe place. The secret things are safe, they are safe. 

I stared into the cup of grape juice and into my hand where the dried, broken piece of cracker lay, and I repented. I asked for forgiveness, not out of shame, but out of thankfulness. The Lord sees my heart, the wickedness and the wanting, but He gives me the cup and the bread, which is deeper still. 

The secret things are in the safest place, the hands of the Good, Good Father. Who am I to think my hands are safer than His? Or that my plans are wiser? My heart was overwhelmed with recognition of my sin; no, I was not knee-deep in the "big" sins, but I was knee-deep in the anxiety of trying to figure it all out, trying to be in control, and that may not be categorized as a "big" sin on the spectrum of American Christianity, but it felt just as heavy and weighty and big. 

So I sat there, asking for repentance, praying for forgiveness of these things. There is a freedom in prayer, because you are reminded of grace and the easy yoke. 

Forgive me for thinking that the secret things are my things.

Forgive me for wanting the secret things more than the Sacred Thing.

Forgive me for doubting that the secret things are safe in Your hands.

Forgive me for thinking that my ways are higher than your ways.

Forgive me for not trusting in Your sovereignty and goodness.

Forgive me for choosing future hopes over my present beauty.

Forgive me for trying to carry the sin that you have already buried in the grave.

Forgive me for not grieving my own sin.

Forgive me for seeking signs and wonders.

Forgive me in your mercy and goodness and grace.

I want to trust God with the secret things, with my sanctification, with the heaviness of my sin. I am walking away from taking a big drink from the cup and a hearty piece of cracker, knowing that God is in control and that He is big and mighty and capable.

Who needs chocolate and flowers when you have grape juice and crackers. 

#twentysixthings...

Twenty-six.

This Saturday, tomorrow, I turn 26 and I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t feel old enough to be in my last year of my mid-twenties. I am nowhere near where I thought that I would be at the age of 26, and I am actually praising God for that; the life I planned for myself by the time I would turn 26 is boring compared to what God has orchestrated for me!

Being 25 was fun and hard, but I am thinking that 26 will be good; I think it will be a year that continues to lead me deeper into God and deeper into myself, that it will be a year where I settle into life a little bit more.

26 Things I’ve Learned in 26 Years

(in no particular order)

1. Things don’t always end the way that they begin.

2. Conversations with boys are normal; everyone is trying to figure out this whole relationship/dating thing and just because these kinds of conversations are new to you, doesn’t mean they aren’t normal. Uncomfortable is okay.

3. In the kingdom of God, water is thicker than blood.

4. Sometimes, the only appropriate way to deal with a situation is allow yourself to use a curse word and then eat a pint of ice cream, and half a pizza, and then maybe the other half.

5. I have not only survived 26 whole years as a single person, but I have thrived. This year, I learned that my hope is FOR marriage, not IN marriage (daaaaang… right?).

6. There is nothing more fulfilling than loving people well. Whoever is in your life, love the heck out of them, even if it looks absurd.

7. There is ALWAYS time for dance parties and gangsta rap. ALWAYS.

8. Humility is a great companion; don’t take yourself too seriously and laugh at yourself when silly things happen.

9. The LORD establishes our steps; we must have confidence amidst the chaos of life because of this.

10. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at 26 and I am guessing you probably won’t be either, and I am actually super thankful for that. God has spared me from things and saved me for things that I could have never imagined.

11. Choices have consequences, both good and bad. You are responsible for yours, not for anyone else’s.

12. This world is broken, and broken things break.

13. Don’t dismiss your emotions or your problems. Don’t compare your problems to someone in a third world country because, although it could be worse, right now it feels like it’s the worst and you are allowed to think that.

14. Being still takes intention and obedience, because trying harder is not always running faster.

15. Quality over quantity.

16. Seek wisdom in EVERYTHING.

17. If you reach your 20’s and have not seen a counselor, BOOK AN APPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW. Counseling is amazing and everyone needs to figure out why they are the way that they are.

18. Go to baseball games, concerts, road trips, dinners, pumpkin patches. Make lots of plans and have lots of adventures.

19. Contrary to popular belief, bedtimes can be a good thing (especially when you work an 8am-5pm job).

20. Adulting is hard, but it is worth every penny (literally, every penny you make).

21. I like sugar and cream in my coffee and that is a life decision that snobby coffee drinkers will not get in the way of; I am secure in my coffee orders.

22. Grace is deeper still.

23. God is big enough for you to buy a new comforter. 

24. Mature people can also be fun people.

25. Don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink or on the stove, invest in a vacuum, and use candles to make your home smell nice.

26. Create boundaries.

What are/were things that you learned by the mid-twenties?

Do any of these resonate with you?

*see what Iearned in the first 25 years here (some of my current lessons are repeats!)

a coffee date...

If we were on a coffee date, I would probably order a standard iced-something, because it is still too hot to even enjoy a pumpkin spice latte.

If we were on a coffee date, I would talk about Emily P. Freeman’s book “Simply Tuesday”. Everyone needs to read this RIGHT NOW. I am loving her writing style and the way that she is coaxing our culture back into smallness.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I have noticed a pattern in what God is teaching me. He is not teaching me new things, but teaching me old things, because I have forgotten them. I am in a season where He is reminding me of what I already know of Him, of humanity, and of myself.

If we were on a coffee date, we would talk about the Emmy’s and how this award ceremony redeemed all the others from this year. #violadavis

If we were on a coffee date, I would ask you in what areas in your life do you misunderstand God? I would share mine with you, and we would probably cry.

If we were on a coffee date, we would talk about the @socalitybarbie Instagram account because I think it is incredibly hilarious and fascinating. We would scroll through it, laughing and talking about how this Barbie is better at Instagram than we are and about how this Instagram account says a lot about our society in the 21^st century.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that the new Enrique Iglesias song is my new jam. Also, “Real Men Love Jesus” by Michael Ray. YES THEY DO MICHAEL, YES THEY DO.

If we were on a coffee date, what would you want to talk about?

on broken things breaking...

Lately, God has been teaching me a lot about strength to endure the brokenness.

Strength, in all its forms, is coveted. We spend hundreds of dollars a year on weights and gym memberships in order to gain muscle and endurance, signs of physical strength. We spend time in the Word and in community to form a strong relationship with Jesus. We ask for strength daily as we encounter the broken, hard things of this world. Strength, in all its capacities, is valued.

But, if you are anything like me, sometimes our muscles aren’t as big as we think they are and our bodies are weary and spent; things seem too hard and too broken and too big. Spiritual warfare becomes all too real; we face opposition, we pray, and we plead for God to take the pain and brokenness away, asking Him to fix things, and if we are honest, asking God that we be the means of the fixing and not Him. But friends, we are not strong enough to mend the broken things, only God has that ability, and that is humbling. The Gospel is extravagantly on display through our weakness and I am sobered by the truth found in these words:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is

made perfect in your weakness…”

If we rely on our own strength, we will end up feeling hopeless and helpless, and that is not the God that we serve. He is full of hope and help, even when things are broken and hard.

This year, social media and news sites have been overrun with devastating and depressing, broken news; we hear about ISIS, sex scandals, Boko Haram, Planned Parenthood, and relentless crime, both international and domestic. Then, there is the brokenness that plagues our own lives, the kind that is personal and not popular on Facebook or broadcasted for the world. There is death, sickness, addiction, infertility, singleness, and a million other struggles and sins that entangle our everyday lives.

Broken things break; our world is broken, and we should expect to encounter brokenness. But, God knows it was broken, and He chose to fix it, to redeem the fractured parts of humanity, through Jesus.

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Broken things break; but our God is a firm foundation,

unwavering, unshaken, unbroken.

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I rarely keep anything that is broken. Once something is past repair, I tend to write it off and toss it in the trash. But, this is not the case with our God. Instead of tossing us and our brokenness aside, He chose to repair and allow us to endure. Often, broken things become useless, but with sin, that is not the case; although we live in a broken world, it serves a purpose. We only have a short time hear on earth, and there will come a day when we no longer have the chance to glorify God in the midst of pain, suffering, and brokenness. Soon we will be with our sweet Savior, but until then, we endure the brokenness, knowing that our goal is to glorify God in the midst of that. Broken things break; but our God is a firm foundation, unwavering, unshaken, unbroken.

I want to remember that even when things break, when the cookies are burnt, when family seems to fall apart, when sickness strikes, when finances dwindle and my strength is limited, that God is in control and sovereign and strong enough to handle my weakness. He can mend the broken and fill me with strength and rejoice over me with song.

a coffee date...

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that all I want to do is sleep in, make cinnamon rolls, and curl up with a good book for 293,876 days.

If we were on a coffee date, we would talk about Planned Parenthood and ISIS and Ashley Madison and all the brokenness in this world. It is interesting to see that these are no longer “Christian” issues, but basic human rights issues.

If we were on a coffee date, we would talk about how I can’t wait for El Nino this Fall/Winter. Cold weather doesn’t scare me… I own multiple Columbia jackets. Also, PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES. Too soon? #sorrynotsorry

If we were on a coffee date, I would share this quote with you:

“There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.”

– Zora Neale Hurston in Their Eyes Were Watching God

If we were on a coffee date, I would ask you for prayer for me this week, because Jesus needs to really show up in certain areas.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I am really dwelling on the idea of brokenness. Our world is broken, which means things will inevitably break; hearts, trust, families, marriages, dishwashers, and plastic toys. Things break. But it is not letting that brokenness define that area of life. Do not let a broken trust ruin your for trust; do not let a broken heart ruin you for love; do not let a broken family ruin you for the hope of a loving, Christ-centered family.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I am still praying “Jesus, just please.”

                      If we were on a coffee date, what would you like to talk about?

jesus, just please...

You would have no idea. You would have no idea that right now I am in one of the hardest seasons of my life, emotionally and sort of spiritually. The LORD has gifted me with joy, and sometimes, because of that, my life seems joyful through and through. It’s not.

My inner people, my kindreds, know this. They know that I just don’t know right now. They know that I am in an overwhelmingly painful and numbing season, which doesn’t make sense but also makes all the sense at the same time.

My prayers are short and small and simple. Because I don’t know how to pray through this. My role, my responsibility, my identity…

I just don’t know how.

Through this season, I am learning the immense truth of His strength versus my own. A lot of times, we diminish God’s strength into a strength that gets us through busy days without coffee or other trivial means, but friends, His strength was never meant to replace a cup of coffee, it is meant to carry you through the trials and burdens of this fallen world; His strength is meant to replace our weakness. In the moments where we just really don’t know how to and the moments where we just simply can’t, He knows and He can.

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...His strength was never meant to replace a cup of coffee, it is meant 

to carry you through the trials and burdens of this fallen world; 

His strength is meant to replace our weakness...

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My prayer for the past weeks has been, “Jesus, just please.” I may not know how, but He does, and there is power in the name of Jesus when we call on it.

Jesus, just please for strength.

Jesus, just please for comfort.

Jesus, just please for hope.

Jesus, just please for wisdom.

Jesus, just please.

Let’s remember the strength of Christ, the kind that bled and died up on His Cross, not the kind that we think we can replace with a cup of coffee. Let’s remember that when we ask Him to just please, He will, even if we don’t know what that means.

all the things: june + july...

These past two months have been a complete whirlwind.

I am basically playing catch-up with June and July, so bear with me. These past couple months have held joy and heartache, spiritual rest and spiritual turmoil. All I have to say is I am so thankful for the Lord’s hold on me, for my community, for the truth that sobers anxious thoughts.

That being said, here are all the things of June + July...

Stress Relief Aromatherapy Lotion (Eucalyptus + Spearmint): This stuff SMELLS SO GOOD. I keep it at my (new) desk and it is heavenly. Bath & Body Works has a sale going on right now, all aromatherapy scented lotions are $8! That’s basically a steal. Run, don’t walk.

Johnnyswim: This husband and wife duo are the soundtrack to my office days! “You and I” is on repeat, all day e’eryday.

My New Car: You guys, I just made a big adult purchase. A NEW CAR. (Cue the Oprah “EVERY BODY GETS A NEW CAAAAAAR” clip”.) It is a black 2015 Honda Civic and it is perfect. I am so thankful for people in my church who helped me find the best option for my lifestyle and budget as a 25 year old person. Also, I have named her “Bonnie”, short for “Black Bonita” which is Spanglish for “Black Beauty”. Naming cars is fun.

Concerts: This past weekend I went to my very first country concert EVER and it was the best. We saw A Thousand Horses, Brothers Osborne, BRETT ELDREDGE, and Darius Rucker. Please see BRETT ELDREDGE. What the heck, even? My very first country concert and it was one of my most favorite musicians in the business. My heart melted as he sang about love and country and trucks. Heart eyes forever.

Graceland: My newest obsession via Netflix. This show is still “live” on TV, but there are two seasons on Netflix and I just finished them last night. Cop shows are my favorite and this one did not disappoint. Now I have to wait until Season 3 is released on Netflix… HOLD ME.

Friend Dates: Now that I am working 8am – 5pm, Monday to Friday like a real adult, my weekends are full of intentional time spent with friends (and grocery shopping). I am so thankful for my community and the joy that comes from good food and good conversation.  

Fruits of the Spirit + Jesus: I think that Galatians 5 is such an important portion of Scripture and a lot of times we reserve it for VBS and children’s ministry (because there are so many art projects we can do with this, right?). But, this month I am studying through the fruit and the intertwining’s of them all. I am reading through writings by Jonathan Edwards and Tim Keller and the Lord is blessing me with a fresh perspective.

The Beach: As a Southern California resident, I don’t take advantage of the beach as often as I should, until recently. It was my go-to place the day my grandpa passed away, it has been my go-to place for adventuring, and it has been my go-to place for friends and Jesus time (and because it has been so hot). There is something about the ocean; it reminds me that God is in charge of the huge things. The ocean, I think, is one of the most tangible representations of His sovereignty and power. I sit there and think about life and I am humbled and sobered up from the attacks of the Enemy. Thank you Jesus for the beach!

Insta-Sayings: The insta-world has been on point in terms to graphics as of late. My favorite one I have seen is pictured above. “Drink some coffee, put on gangster-rap, and handle it.” You guys, this is the best because this is 40% of my life in a nutshell.

What about y’all?

Tell me about some of the things that have 

gotten you through the past couple months!

a coffee date...

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that my new job at CBU is pretty much the best thing ever. Each day I wake up with such peace and purpose; I know that God is completely in this new position and new season and I am just overwhelmed with thankfulness, truly.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I am dying to see the new Amy Schumer movie, “Trainwreck”. It is a super salty movie, but I would like to acknowledge that I am a human being, and even more so a sinner, and I can appreciate a good joke here and there. Actually, I can appreciate very much. Popcorn, Junior Mints, and Amy Schumer… I am coming for you!

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you about the new series that my church is currently in, The Art of Forgiveness. Honestly, it is the series that I didn’t know that I needed. Generally, I can forgive people (Disclaimer: I haven’t been deeply hurt or wounded like many people I know; I have never had my heart broken, never lost a loved one to a drunk driver or murderer, never had something stolen or taken from me, so yes, forgiveness is something that kind of just flows out of me.). Each week, the Lord has brought something or someone to memory, either someone to forgive, something to forgive, sometimes reminding me to forgive myself. I am also learning a lot about trust and past wounds and what trust issues actually look like for some people. 

If we were on a coffee date, I would ask you what God has been teaching you lately… How has He been moving? What does He keep recalling to your mind? What have you been praying through? What Scriptures have been on your heart lately? You know, the usual.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I am itching to be up at Summer Camp with my girls. The fact that I am not up there right now makes me want to eat an entire pint of ice cream and watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. Send help. And Cherry Garcia.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that we are knee-deep in a summer storm, complete with lightning, thunder, and humidity. This kind of weather is my favorite weather and reminds me of the summers I spent my time in the Carolinas, Louisiana, and Georgia. #southernsoul

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you to buy the “Island Moonlight” candle from Target. It is roughly $10 and smells EXACTLY like the Volcano Blue candles from Anthropologie. As much as that smell makes me swoon, I am not about to spend an entire days work on that candle, so thank you Target for meeting yet another need in my life.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that right now, life is pretty awesome. Despite the weird idea of planning for a retirement in 2055 and being a little bit more tired and off my work-out schedule, this new season is just peachy and sweet and a ball of fun!

What season are you in?

Are you judging me for my love of Amy Schumer?

What would you tell me if we were on a coffee date?