on cultivating...

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness…" 

- Psalm 37:3

Themes are a relatively new idea for my walk with the Lord. Before then, I made all the resolutions about all the things (weight, relationships, organization, etc.). In 2014, I focused on the idea of discipline, coming from Hebrews 12:11 and in this past year, I focused on being still, coming from Psalm 46:10. These past two years have been hard and good, growing my understanding of God and myself like WOAH.

Looking ahead to 2016, I have a slew of goals and things to be excited for (like a trip to Ecuador, my second year working at CBU, a bunch of weddings, new and old ministries, and some BIG personal projects!), but I want to be focused on the idea of growth… cultivate.

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Cultivate: to prepare; to use for the raising of crops; to loosen or break up soil; to foster the growth of; to improve by labor, care, or study

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Lately, I feel like the Lord has been loosening a lot of the soil in my heart; and honestly, some of the things that have come from that process have been pretty surprising. The more I experience that, the more I want of that; as those spaces loosen and break up, I find that there is more desire and room for Him, which is everything. The past year I learned what it meant to rest in the Lord, to be still (which is an active state of obedience and choice), and I am praying that God is using this past year as a springboard into this one. 

This year, I want to cultivate; to cultivate something requires work, intention, focus, and that is what I think the Lord has been pressing on my heart. I want this year to be one of growth, of study, of prayer, of action, of labor; I want 2016 to be the year that I decided to put my work pants on and really dive into all that we have access to as a child of God. I don't know about you, but I know that I haven't even been close to tapping into the fullness of the Holy Spirit, of the Word, of my community. I want this to be a year of full journals, empty coffee cups, and highlighted books; a year full of tables, coffee dates, and good, hard conversations; a year of adventure, of faith triumphing over fear, of new things and old things. 

One of my favorite bloggers (who has a book coming out soon and I can't wait to get my hands on it!), Jess Connolly, just wrote a beautiful post titled "This Is Not A Flower Year" and it resonated deep. Jess stated that "this year is not a year of flowers, this is a year of deep roots and growing trees." And you guys, I really love that. Her post is all about being intentional and being aware of the working God is doing (cultivating!) in your life. SO DANG GOOD. 

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit would stir within me, that I would be open to His tilling and sifting. I pray that I would truly learn to dwell in His land and cultivate faithfulness during this year, whatever that may look like. 

What are you focusing on this year?

#bestthirtysix...

Two thousand and fifteen.

I wanted to get away to write this; I wanted to take a retreat to really spend time with the Lord and dwell on this past year and the year that lies ahead. But, sitting here at the local Starbucks, I think that the Lord is speaking just the same. This year has been abundant; I mean abundant in every single way, in both the trials and the joys. There has been an abundance of laughter and blessing, but also an abundance of change and mourning; an abundance of life and also death. 

As the year began, the Lord spoke softly to my heart a theme… "Be still." Throughout this year, the words of Psalm 46:10 were an encouragement and a comfort… "Cease striving, be still, and know that I am God…" Stillness, it's not my spiritual gift, but with each moment and lesson this past year, it was the sweet whisper that the Lord was faithful to give… "As you wait for this new position… be still. As you end seven years of junior high ministry… be still. As you pray through your singleness… be still. As you mourn the death of your grandpa… be still. As your best friend moves overseas… be still. As you welcome new babies and take on the title of "Aunt Kristi"… be still. As you seek God… be still. As you wait for God to move… be still." This year, I saw God move mountains and open floodgates in the stillness. This year taught me that stillness on our part allows for movement on His part. 

Social media has been blowing up with the idea of the #bestnineofinstagram. I love this campaign, but when I generated mine, I had a few thoughts. First off, this is generating the photos that "the people" (whoever they may be to you) liked most, NOT what I liked most about my year. Second, NINE SQUARES? You guys, only nine little squares?! That's not the way that I roll… So, here I am (and on Instagram!) with 36 teeny, tiny squares of memories and moments, reminding me that this year has been hard and rich and full. I want to stop and rest in that, just for today. 

This year has been incredible! When I look at the little details, I recognize it's true fullness. When I look back on 2015, I will look back to when I went to the IF: Gathering in Austin, TX, ended my time serving in vocational ministry at my church, started a new job at CBU, transitioned from junior high ministry to high school ministry, bought a new car, mourned the passing of my Grandpa, became an Aunt for many sweet little babies, turned twenty six, drank too many hawaiian lattes, was published at Incourage, had conversations with Annie Downs via Twitter, read some incredible books, watched every season of "Parks & Recreation",  quit my job as a substitute teacher and barista, went on my first date ever, got seriously healthy and became a runner/jogger, saw great movies, ate great food (mostly BBQ and Mexican), took rest very seriously, went to the 1989 Taylor Swift concert, went to a Luke Bryan concert, went to a Brett Eldredge concert, went to a Shane and Shane concert, learned the importance of FaceTime dates with my best friend living in Ecuador, had a house broken in to, went to Disneyland, spent a lot of time driving around my town and praying, had hard conversations with the Lord, learned a lot about myself, bought a rug, started a retirement fund, and nurtured old friendships and made some new ones. And I am sure I am forgetting a lot of other things! Man, 2015 was rich. (But please note, 2015 was NOT the year that I became rich. #targetstealsallmymoney)

I have spent time in prayer over 2016, asking the Lord to reveal a theme to me. I sat with an expectant heart, waiting to glean what He would speak. I am excited to share that with you all in the coming week, but for now, I am leaning into the gleanings of this past year rather than the excitement for the new one, because there is a lot there. 

So here's to 2015, the year that has come and gone. Whether you want to forget it forever or relive those memories for years to come, I pray that you would lean into the things that God has done for you. May the pains and the joys be redeemed by the work of Christ! Raise your glass (of sparkling cider) and celebrate that there is a time for everything, for mourning and for dancing (and lets hope tonight is full of dancing!)!

Cheers to 2015, friends! 

a coffee date...

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that my new job at CBU is pretty much the best thing ever. Each day I wake up with such peace and purpose; I know that God is completely in this new position and new season and I am just overwhelmed with thankfulness, truly.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I am dying to see the new Amy Schumer movie, “Trainwreck”. It is a super salty movie, but I would like to acknowledge that I am a human being, and even more so a sinner, and I can appreciate a good joke here and there. Actually, I can appreciate very much. Popcorn, Junior Mints, and Amy Schumer… I am coming for you!

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you about the new series that my church is currently in, The Art of Forgiveness. Honestly, it is the series that I didn’t know that I needed. Generally, I can forgive people (Disclaimer: I haven’t been deeply hurt or wounded like many people I know; I have never had my heart broken, never lost a loved one to a drunk driver or murderer, never had something stolen or taken from me, so yes, forgiveness is something that kind of just flows out of me.). Each week, the Lord has brought something or someone to memory, either someone to forgive, something to forgive, sometimes reminding me to forgive myself. I am also learning a lot about trust and past wounds and what trust issues actually look like for some people. 

If we were on a coffee date, I would ask you what God has been teaching you lately… How has He been moving? What does He keep recalling to your mind? What have you been praying through? What Scriptures have been on your heart lately? You know, the usual.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that I am itching to be up at Summer Camp with my girls. The fact that I am not up there right now makes me want to eat an entire pint of ice cream and watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. Send help. And Cherry Garcia.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that we are knee-deep in a summer storm, complete with lightning, thunder, and humidity. This kind of weather is my favorite weather and reminds me of the summers I spent my time in the Carolinas, Louisiana, and Georgia. #southernsoul

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you to buy the “Island Moonlight” candle from Target. It is roughly $10 and smells EXACTLY like the Volcano Blue candles from Anthropologie. As much as that smell makes me swoon, I am not about to spend an entire days work on that candle, so thank you Target for meeting yet another need in my life.

If we were on a coffee date, I would tell you that right now, life is pretty awesome. Despite the weird idea of planning for a retirement in 2055 and being a little bit more tired and off my work-out schedule, this new season is just peachy and sweet and a ball of fun!

What season are you in?

Are you judging me for my love of Amy Schumer?

What would you tell me if we were on a coffee date?

three years & three cheers to CBU...

Big News!

I mentioned in a previous post that my life was about to change, that I had exciting news… And I do! Drum roll please… You are looking at the new Receptionist for University Card Services at California Baptist University! People, this is huge and big and awesome and crazy. And here is a little bit (or a lot bit) of insight into my whole process…

Things that I need to recognize up front:

1. God’s timing is perfect; He is sovereign and good and the fact that I question this makes me the lamest person alive.

2. I am about three years ahead of God in all things. Seriously, I have a pattern.

3. His peace surpasses all things.

Roughly a year ago, I began the interview process for a full-time position at my alma mater, California Baptist University; long story short, it was a year of interviewing, waiting, and praying. Except, I want to give you the long story long because it magnifies God’s sovereignty and is just so good.

I have always wanted to work at CBU; I was told over and over that I would end up being one of those people who would “get stuck” here, and to tell you the truth, that sounded like heaven. CBU was my first home away from home, the place where Teenage Kristi became Adult Kristi. My heart will always be for CBU and for student services, and that desire grew my senior year. I applied vigorously for positions the months before graduation and the months after, thinking that I would work for CBU right out of college… NOPE. That did not work out and I really struggled with that. Naturally, I ended up working for my church with our junior high students and I LOVED IT. Please hear me say that I don’t view that as time wasted, it was just not what I originally planned for. But, my desire to work at CBU was not granted until three years later… Which is apparently my pattern. Seriously. I have noticed that many desires over the course of my life have been planted about three years before they actually come to fruition. Crazy, right? So, long story long…

For a few months last year, I had been applying to various positions within the university. I interviewed for the Financial Aid Department, Graduate Admissions, the School of Education, and a handful more and each led to no avail. I started to question myself and God… Am I not capable? Am I not enough? Is God not capable? Is God not enough? (Seriously, being denied over and over and over will lead you into some crazy wilderness talks with God.) One day, my sweet friend Kelly told me that a new office was hiring and needed a receptionist and that I should apply. I thought about it, prayed about it, and thought why not? (Note: I didn’t seek it out, it completely fell in my lap, which is pretty typical of God… He gives when we least expect it.) I applied that night and received a call the next morning for an interview. After the first interview, a week later I had a phone interview with one of the Deans of Student Services. The next step was to interview with the President. I thought, “This is insane; this came out of left field and it is actually happening! I am interviewing with the President, I am going to work at CBU, GIVE ME A BOX OF TUMS BEFORE I THROW UP.” And then I waited, and waited, and waited some more until I was told the news that pretty much shattered my excitement… CBU entered into a hiring freeze, university wide. I was told that it would be lifted for the Spring semester and that I could be looking at my final interview for December 2014. And then December rolled around, the hiring freeze was not lifted, and I questioned everything. I was told August of 2015. And I doubted. I spent many nights driving and crying and yelling at God. In Riverside, there are orange groves and fields for miles on Victoria Avenue; this is my street. I drive through there with God, windows down, the smell of orange blossoms filling my car, and me talking out life with My Savior. Victoria and I have good memories.

Suddenly, we were in June and I received a call for an interview with the President. I happened to be substituting for a high school art class when I received the call and it took everything within me NOT to just start crying. Luckily, I was in the middle of the prep period and it was totally appropriate for me to answer the phone and start jumping up and down. The following week I interviewed with the President himself, and three days later I was offered the position... 

HALLELUJAH PRAISE GOD I AM CRYING IS THIS REAL LIFE OUCH CHARLIE.

I had three weeks to wrap up three years of youth ministry. Not to mention, my last week employed at my church would be a mission trip! It was the perfect ending to time well spent. We had cake and ice cream, I packed up my desk and my duffle bag and began praying for my transition. My prayer was to finish well, and at times it was very hard, but I think that God honored that prayer.

We came back from our mission trip on Friday and I started my new position Monday. It was crazy, but it was good.

Looking back, the year of waiting was perfect; it was frustrating and confusing, but it was perfect. That year allowed me to finish my time with my 8^th Grade Girls Small Group (and the fact that I now get to move up with them to high school?!?! INSERT A THOUSAND PRAISE HANDS EMOJIS HERE.), to help our new pastor transition into our ministry/church, to begin a journey in counseling, to use my time more liberally (sleeping in, going to Texas, planning a last minute road trip through the Northern Coast, etc.), take some risks and lower my inhibitions, and to settle in to adulthood, kind of. I didn’t know that I needed this past year, but the Lord did, and I really should never question His timing. Proverbs says that we plan all our things but the Lord establishes our steps, and man, am I just so thankful for that. Is it frustrating at times? WELL YES. But, even in the frustration, I am thankful for a God who knows more than I do and has enough love to answer certain prayers with “waits” and “nos”.

So, this past week was my very first week as an official, benefit-receiving, retirement-planning, 8AM – 5PM CBU employee, and it was everything I imagined it to be AND MORE. I was welcomed with open arms, celebrated with balloons, brought in donuts for my staff as we got through (my first) Transfer Student Orientation, and then went out to spend the weekend in San Diego with my best friend. Each day I drive in to work, I am overwhelmed by peace, a peace that I haven’t felt in a long time. The days are full, but rich; I am able to have lunch with past residents and my close friends who work at the university, not to mention Chick-Fil-A is directly across the hall from me (I have told myself that I can only buy lunch there once a week, because health). You guys, it is such a good season and I am so excited to see what God does through this, both in ministry and professionally!

Thank you to every single person who has prayed, encouraged, and loved me through this process. God is faithful and good and sovereign and I still can’t believe that this is real life. I am trying to soak up the blessing of this time and not look for the next season (because as humans, we are really good at not being satisfied, even we are given what we want).

So friends, here’s to three years and three cheers to CBU!