#bestthirtysix...

Two thousand and fifteen.

I wanted to get away to write this; I wanted to take a retreat to really spend time with the Lord and dwell on this past year and the year that lies ahead. But, sitting here at the local Starbucks, I think that the Lord is speaking just the same. This year has been abundant; I mean abundant in every single way, in both the trials and the joys. There has been an abundance of laughter and blessing, but also an abundance of change and mourning; an abundance of life and also death. 

As the year began, the Lord spoke softly to my heart a theme… "Be still." Throughout this year, the words of Psalm 46:10 were an encouragement and a comfort… "Cease striving, be still, and know that I am God…" Stillness, it's not my spiritual gift, but with each moment and lesson this past year, it was the sweet whisper that the Lord was faithful to give… "As you wait for this new position… be still. As you end seven years of junior high ministry… be still. As you pray through your singleness… be still. As you mourn the death of your grandpa… be still. As your best friend moves overseas… be still. As you welcome new babies and take on the title of "Aunt Kristi"… be still. As you seek God… be still. As you wait for God to move… be still." This year, I saw God move mountains and open floodgates in the stillness. This year taught me that stillness on our part allows for movement on His part. 

Social media has been blowing up with the idea of the #bestnineofinstagram. I love this campaign, but when I generated mine, I had a few thoughts. First off, this is generating the photos that "the people" (whoever they may be to you) liked most, NOT what I liked most about my year. Second, NINE SQUARES? You guys, only nine little squares?! That's not the way that I roll… So, here I am (and on Instagram!) with 36 teeny, tiny squares of memories and moments, reminding me that this year has been hard and rich and full. I want to stop and rest in that, just for today. 

This year has been incredible! When I look at the little details, I recognize it's true fullness. When I look back on 2015, I will look back to when I went to the IF: Gathering in Austin, TX, ended my time serving in vocational ministry at my church, started a new job at CBU, transitioned from junior high ministry to high school ministry, bought a new car, mourned the passing of my Grandpa, became an Aunt for many sweet little babies, turned twenty six, drank too many hawaiian lattes, was published at Incourage, had conversations with Annie Downs via Twitter, read some incredible books, watched every season of "Parks & Recreation",  quit my job as a substitute teacher and barista, went on my first date ever, got seriously healthy and became a runner/jogger, saw great movies, ate great food (mostly BBQ and Mexican), took rest very seriously, went to the 1989 Taylor Swift concert, went to a Luke Bryan concert, went to a Brett Eldredge concert, went to a Shane and Shane concert, learned the importance of FaceTime dates with my best friend living in Ecuador, had a house broken in to, went to Disneyland, spent a lot of time driving around my town and praying, had hard conversations with the Lord, learned a lot about myself, bought a rug, started a retirement fund, and nurtured old friendships and made some new ones. And I am sure I am forgetting a lot of other things! Man, 2015 was rich. (But please note, 2015 was NOT the year that I became rich. #targetstealsallmymoney)

I have spent time in prayer over 2016, asking the Lord to reveal a theme to me. I sat with an expectant heart, waiting to glean what He would speak. I am excited to share that with you all in the coming week, but for now, I am leaning into the gleanings of this past year rather than the excitement for the new one, because there is a lot there. 

So here's to 2015, the year that has come and gone. Whether you want to forget it forever or relive those memories for years to come, I pray that you would lean into the things that God has done for you. May the pains and the joys be redeemed by the work of Christ! Raise your glass (of sparkling cider) and celebrate that there is a time for everything, for mourning and for dancing (and lets hope tonight is full of dancing!)!

Cheers to 2015, friends! 

the if: gathering (preparation & unpacking)...

Unpacking is not my favorite thing.

Coming home, putting the toothbrush back in it’s holder, separating dirty laundry, sorting receipts, putting things back into their right spaces and places… It’s somewhat burdensome. I want to be able to come home, jump into my bed, and go about life as normal, forgetting that I can’t take a shower until all my things are out of my suitcase and in my bathroom.

I am finding out the same is true about the IF: Gathering.

Unpacking this thing is HARD; processing all of the words, the good things, the challenging things, ALL THE THINGS.

Over the two weeks (has it been that long already?), I have been re-reading my notes, recounting the conference over long coffee dates and phone calls, and struggling to bring myself to actual pen and paper. It’s intimidating, to process these huge things and dive deeper into the words spoken by these amazing women of faith. The next few days, I will be attempting to unpack everything; the good moments and the God moments.

(First off, if you don’t know the purpose of IF, it is to gather, equip, and unleash the women of the next generation (me, yay!) to live out their purpose. They do this through various facets, and I am so thankful for Jennie Allen, the woman who began it all. She is a breath of fresh air (as are all the headlining women of this movement) in the stagnant, recycled air that is currently women’s ministry. Please do yourself a favor and jump on this bandwagon. We will be studying our way through Hebrews beginning Monday and I cannot wait!)

Leading up to IF, I studied through the concept of faith and the life of Joshua through IF: Equip, studied through 1 & 2 Peter with She Reads Truth, and coincidentally our church happened to be in a ten week series called “Decide Today”, based on the life and leadership of Joshua. To say that God was tilling my heart in preparation for the IF: Gathering is a huge understatement. Roughly a week and a half before boarding the plane to Austin, TX, I was challenged with this idea: am I praying more for my desires, the things un-promised, than the promises of God? Is it foolish or faithful to pray for things not promised? Basically, I was all about His promises. And, that was a key theme to the conference this year. Do we believe, and IF we do, what does that mean for our lives? I am also currently in a period of learning stillness, watching God move letting God move. Mercy, my heart was ready for anticipated yet unexpected pruning.

After flights full of peanuts and free soda, checking out a rental car and in to our hotel, we (my friend Laura and I) finally arrived in Austin, TX and in less than 24 hours, we would be waking up to big cups of coffee and even bigger cups of grace…

peace & glitter...

Today, January 1, 2015 I woke up at the blessed time of 11:46AM with glitter in my hair and resolve in my heart.

(Also, please note, I am not some wild partier who routinely wakes up with glitter in her hair and bed sheets; it was New Year’s Eve and we decided to celebrate with sparkling cider, appetizers in the shape of 2015, and throwing glitter at each other. We party HARD my friends.)

(And, in regards to glitter, please insert your favorite Smashmouth, Mariah Carey, or Kesha reference here.)

As mentioned in my obligatory 2014 wrap-up post, this past year was the year of discipline. So, now, what is 2015 the year of? Drum roll please…

BEING STILL.

Very glamorous, yes. This will be the year that I do nothing. But, in all seriousness, the past two months the Lord has really burdened my heart with the idea of being still, resting, embracing peace, letting Him fight for me, waiting well. The other day, as I was praying over this theme and dwelling on a Scripture for my year, the Lord reminded me of Psalm 46:10, which states:

“Cease striving, be still, and know that I am God…”

Something I have never noticed before is that we don’t know God to be still, we be still to know God. It is on our stillness where He reveals Himself to be the Comforter, Provider, Protector, Savior. If we cast aside our pride and our works and our rush (because obviously Jesus doesn’t understand my life and my priorities and all my Pinterest projects, for the love, there are SO MANY), that is where He moves. So many times, we ask God to move mountains, but then tell Him how to do it. You know those moments when we talk about God looking down and laughing… Cease striving. Let Him move the mountain, and through that, know that He is God.

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…we don’t know God to be still, we be

still to know God…

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This is the year where I learn to rest in the Lord, to be still and let Him fight for me, reveal Himself to me anew. This is the year that I accept the hallway, where I accept patience, and peace in that. This is the year that I pray fervently and wait; I will rejoice in the waiting, be patient in the waiting, and allow Him to work in me in the waiting. I am not going to wonder if this is the year of a new job, the year I fall in love… Simply, I will stand in wonder as He works.

I am adopting a new holy pace of life, leaving behind my strife and my chasing after the wind. There is too much running, not enough resting… Too much time spent wondering if I am doing enough, if I am enough, when that question is already answered.

This is the year that I produce worship, not worry. Everyday, my prayer is to cease striving, to be still, to know He is God; to guard myself from my own tendency of busyness and rush and scramble.

Friends, what is your theme of 2015? 

What is the Lord pressing upon your heart for this new year?