#bestthirtysix...

Two thousand and fifteen.

I wanted to get away to write this; I wanted to take a retreat to really spend time with the Lord and dwell on this past year and the year that lies ahead. But, sitting here at the local Starbucks, I think that the Lord is speaking just the same. This year has been abundant; I mean abundant in every single way, in both the trials and the joys. There has been an abundance of laughter and blessing, but also an abundance of change and mourning; an abundance of life and also death. 

As the year began, the Lord spoke softly to my heart a theme… "Be still." Throughout this year, the words of Psalm 46:10 were an encouragement and a comfort… "Cease striving, be still, and know that I am God…" Stillness, it's not my spiritual gift, but with each moment and lesson this past year, it was the sweet whisper that the Lord was faithful to give… "As you wait for this new position… be still. As you end seven years of junior high ministry… be still. As you pray through your singleness… be still. As you mourn the death of your grandpa… be still. As your best friend moves overseas… be still. As you welcome new babies and take on the title of "Aunt Kristi"… be still. As you seek God… be still. As you wait for God to move… be still." This year, I saw God move mountains and open floodgates in the stillness. This year taught me that stillness on our part allows for movement on His part. 

Social media has been blowing up with the idea of the #bestnineofinstagram. I love this campaign, but when I generated mine, I had a few thoughts. First off, this is generating the photos that "the people" (whoever they may be to you) liked most, NOT what I liked most about my year. Second, NINE SQUARES? You guys, only nine little squares?! That's not the way that I roll… So, here I am (and on Instagram!) with 36 teeny, tiny squares of memories and moments, reminding me that this year has been hard and rich and full. I want to stop and rest in that, just for today. 

This year has been incredible! When I look at the little details, I recognize it's true fullness. When I look back on 2015, I will look back to when I went to the IF: Gathering in Austin, TX, ended my time serving in vocational ministry at my church, started a new job at CBU, transitioned from junior high ministry to high school ministry, bought a new car, mourned the passing of my Grandpa, became an Aunt for many sweet little babies, turned twenty six, drank too many hawaiian lattes, was published at Incourage, had conversations with Annie Downs via Twitter, read some incredible books, watched every season of "Parks & Recreation",  quit my job as a substitute teacher and barista, went on my first date ever, got seriously healthy and became a runner/jogger, saw great movies, ate great food (mostly BBQ and Mexican), took rest very seriously, went to the 1989 Taylor Swift concert, went to a Luke Bryan concert, went to a Brett Eldredge concert, went to a Shane and Shane concert, learned the importance of FaceTime dates with my best friend living in Ecuador, had a house broken in to, went to Disneyland, spent a lot of time driving around my town and praying, had hard conversations with the Lord, learned a lot about myself, bought a rug, started a retirement fund, and nurtured old friendships and made some new ones. And I am sure I am forgetting a lot of other things! Man, 2015 was rich. (But please note, 2015 was NOT the year that I became rich. #targetstealsallmymoney)

I have spent time in prayer over 2016, asking the Lord to reveal a theme to me. I sat with an expectant heart, waiting to glean what He would speak. I am excited to share that with you all in the coming week, but for now, I am leaning into the gleanings of this past year rather than the excitement for the new one, because there is a lot there. 

So here's to 2015, the year that has come and gone. Whether you want to forget it forever or relive those memories for years to come, I pray that you would lean into the things that God has done for you. May the pains and the joys be redeemed by the work of Christ! Raise your glass (of sparkling cider) and celebrate that there is a time for everything, for mourning and for dancing (and lets hope tonight is full of dancing!)!

Cheers to 2015, friends! 

on treasuring and pondering...

The Son of God just entered the world, in flesh and blood.
The angels appeared.
The shepherds came.

And Mary treasured and pondered...

I love this, this beautiful depiction of wisdom and grace and expectancy; she did not sit in fear, she did not question what was next, she did not anxiously shy away from those who wanted to see Jesus... she treasured and pondered upon those first moments with her Son, The Christ. 
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"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart..." - Luke 2:19

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I am sure that she was overwhelmed, how could you not be? It was the start of a new season, not just for Mary and Joseph, but for the world as a whole. New seasons bring new fears and insecurities; when you enter foreign territory (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually) there is a quick tendency to question, to build up walls. The Enemy thrives in that place because it makes his job easy, after all, he is the Great Accuser. Now, I cannot say that I am in a season that is remotely close to that of giving birth to the Messiah, but I sat there at church this Sunday, and this spoke so deeply to the places in my heart... Treasuring and pondering, what a beautiful depiction of the Saviors first moments on Earth.

I want to be a woman who treasures "all these things", a woman who ponders upon "all these things". Right now, I am in a season of pondering, but I too readily forget to treasure. I am really good at pondering, dwelling, and over-analyzing. Those things come very easily to my heart. I am not a skeptic, but I naturally question what is right, good, best, godly. It is good to question, to ask for wisdom, to desire understanding, but sometimes that desire blinds me to the treasure; in my pondering, I don't want to miss the treasuring.

Mary could have just pondered. She could have dwelt on her seeming incapability, her insecurity, her irrational fears. But she chose to treasure; she treasured the moments with her new Son, with the shepherds and angels gathered around, with her soon-to-be husband at her side. 

Pondering and treasuring, a holy balance. My prayer during this new, expectant season is that my heart would be softened in ways that it needs to be, that I would not get so wrapped up in thoughts and fears that I would forget to treasure the fun, the newness, the possibility. 

Friends, may we be quick to ponder, but even quicker to treasure. 

on lessons + thankfulness...

It has been a day of good people, good laughs, good food, and remembering a good God. Holidays are hard for me (and a lot of other people), and I am beyond thankful that each year it gets a little bit better, more normal, more lighter. 

Ruth Simons over at GraceLaced wrote an amazing piece on thankfulness today; the truth of her words sank so deep into my heart places.
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"Have you ever considered… every blessing we give thanks for seems to have an equally tender lesson in trust, loss, hope and sanctification as its context? The way of thanks is paved with a million little moments of doubt, fear, or thanklessness, but we often forget that it's so…" 

- Ruth Simons

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The things I am most thankful for this year are the things that have stretched my relationship with God the most; the most precious things have been given to us to continue to prove His faithfulness, His goodness, His sovereignty. From my (new) job, my ministry, my friends who have become family, my singleness (this ebbs and flows, but today I choose to be thankful), and my writing… Growth and stretching has been great in these areas, but they are the things I am most grateful for because they are the places where God has made Himself most evident. Lessons in the hard things are what God leverages to grant us the good things; gratitude is gleaned from the lessons.

I pray that my thankfulness permeates my whole year, not just my one day; I want to be a faithful thanker, walking in light of the blessings I have undeservedly been given always. 

on broken things breaking...

Lately, God has been teaching me a lot about strength to endure the brokenness.

Strength, in all its forms, is coveted. We spend hundreds of dollars a year on weights and gym memberships in order to gain muscle and endurance, signs of physical strength. We spend time in the Word and in community to form a strong relationship with Jesus. We ask for strength daily as we encounter the broken, hard things of this world. Strength, in all its capacities, is valued.

But, if you are anything like me, sometimes our muscles aren’t as big as we think they are and our bodies are weary and spent; things seem too hard and too broken and too big. Spiritual warfare becomes all too real; we face opposition, we pray, and we plead for God to take the pain and brokenness away, asking Him to fix things, and if we are honest, asking God that we be the means of the fixing and not Him. But friends, we are not strong enough to mend the broken things, only God has that ability, and that is humbling. The Gospel is extravagantly on display through our weakness and I am sobered by the truth found in these words:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is

made perfect in your weakness…”

If we rely on our own strength, we will end up feeling hopeless and helpless, and that is not the God that we serve. He is full of hope and help, even when things are broken and hard.

This year, social media and news sites have been overrun with devastating and depressing, broken news; we hear about ISIS, sex scandals, Boko Haram, Planned Parenthood, and relentless crime, both international and domestic. Then, there is the brokenness that plagues our own lives, the kind that is personal and not popular on Facebook or broadcasted for the world. There is death, sickness, addiction, infertility, singleness, and a million other struggles and sins that entangle our everyday lives.

Broken things break; our world is broken, and we should expect to encounter brokenness. But, God knows it was broken, and He chose to fix it, to redeem the fractured parts of humanity, through Jesus.

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Broken things break; but our God is a firm foundation,

unwavering, unshaken, unbroken.

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I rarely keep anything that is broken. Once something is past repair, I tend to write it off and toss it in the trash. But, this is not the case with our God. Instead of tossing us and our brokenness aside, He chose to repair and allow us to endure. Often, broken things become useless, but with sin, that is not the case; although we live in a broken world, it serves a purpose. We only have a short time hear on earth, and there will come a day when we no longer have the chance to glorify God in the midst of pain, suffering, and brokenness. Soon we will be with our sweet Savior, but until then, we endure the brokenness, knowing that our goal is to glorify God in the midst of that. Broken things break; but our God is a firm foundation, unwavering, unshaken, unbroken.

I want to remember that even when things break, when the cookies are burnt, when family seems to fall apart, when sickness strikes, when finances dwindle and my strength is limited, that God is in control and sovereign and strong enough to handle my weakness. He can mend the broken and fill me with strength and rejoice over me with song.

three years & three cheers to CBU...

Big News!

I mentioned in a previous post that my life was about to change, that I had exciting news… And I do! Drum roll please… You are looking at the new Receptionist for University Card Services at California Baptist University! People, this is huge and big and awesome and crazy. And here is a little bit (or a lot bit) of insight into my whole process…

Things that I need to recognize up front:

1. God’s timing is perfect; He is sovereign and good and the fact that I question this makes me the lamest person alive.

2. I am about three years ahead of God in all things. Seriously, I have a pattern.

3. His peace surpasses all things.

Roughly a year ago, I began the interview process for a full-time position at my alma mater, California Baptist University; long story short, it was a year of interviewing, waiting, and praying. Except, I want to give you the long story long because it magnifies God’s sovereignty and is just so good.

I have always wanted to work at CBU; I was told over and over that I would end up being one of those people who would “get stuck” here, and to tell you the truth, that sounded like heaven. CBU was my first home away from home, the place where Teenage Kristi became Adult Kristi. My heart will always be for CBU and for student services, and that desire grew my senior year. I applied vigorously for positions the months before graduation and the months after, thinking that I would work for CBU right out of college… NOPE. That did not work out and I really struggled with that. Naturally, I ended up working for my church with our junior high students and I LOVED IT. Please hear me say that I don’t view that as time wasted, it was just not what I originally planned for. But, my desire to work at CBU was not granted until three years later… Which is apparently my pattern. Seriously. I have noticed that many desires over the course of my life have been planted about three years before they actually come to fruition. Crazy, right? So, long story long…

For a few months last year, I had been applying to various positions within the university. I interviewed for the Financial Aid Department, Graduate Admissions, the School of Education, and a handful more and each led to no avail. I started to question myself and God… Am I not capable? Am I not enough? Is God not capable? Is God not enough? (Seriously, being denied over and over and over will lead you into some crazy wilderness talks with God.) One day, my sweet friend Kelly told me that a new office was hiring and needed a receptionist and that I should apply. I thought about it, prayed about it, and thought why not? (Note: I didn’t seek it out, it completely fell in my lap, which is pretty typical of God… He gives when we least expect it.) I applied that night and received a call the next morning for an interview. After the first interview, a week later I had a phone interview with one of the Deans of Student Services. The next step was to interview with the President. I thought, “This is insane; this came out of left field and it is actually happening! I am interviewing with the President, I am going to work at CBU, GIVE ME A BOX OF TUMS BEFORE I THROW UP.” And then I waited, and waited, and waited some more until I was told the news that pretty much shattered my excitement… CBU entered into a hiring freeze, university wide. I was told that it would be lifted for the Spring semester and that I could be looking at my final interview for December 2014. And then December rolled around, the hiring freeze was not lifted, and I questioned everything. I was told August of 2015. And I doubted. I spent many nights driving and crying and yelling at God. In Riverside, there are orange groves and fields for miles on Victoria Avenue; this is my street. I drive through there with God, windows down, the smell of orange blossoms filling my car, and me talking out life with My Savior. Victoria and I have good memories.

Suddenly, we were in June and I received a call for an interview with the President. I happened to be substituting for a high school art class when I received the call and it took everything within me NOT to just start crying. Luckily, I was in the middle of the prep period and it was totally appropriate for me to answer the phone and start jumping up and down. The following week I interviewed with the President himself, and three days later I was offered the position... 

HALLELUJAH PRAISE GOD I AM CRYING IS THIS REAL LIFE OUCH CHARLIE.

I had three weeks to wrap up three years of youth ministry. Not to mention, my last week employed at my church would be a mission trip! It was the perfect ending to time well spent. We had cake and ice cream, I packed up my desk and my duffle bag and began praying for my transition. My prayer was to finish well, and at times it was very hard, but I think that God honored that prayer.

We came back from our mission trip on Friday and I started my new position Monday. It was crazy, but it was good.

Looking back, the year of waiting was perfect; it was frustrating and confusing, but it was perfect. That year allowed me to finish my time with my 8^th Grade Girls Small Group (and the fact that I now get to move up with them to high school?!?! INSERT A THOUSAND PRAISE HANDS EMOJIS HERE.), to help our new pastor transition into our ministry/church, to begin a journey in counseling, to use my time more liberally (sleeping in, going to Texas, planning a last minute road trip through the Northern Coast, etc.), take some risks and lower my inhibitions, and to settle in to adulthood, kind of. I didn’t know that I needed this past year, but the Lord did, and I really should never question His timing. Proverbs says that we plan all our things but the Lord establishes our steps, and man, am I just so thankful for that. Is it frustrating at times? WELL YES. But, even in the frustration, I am thankful for a God who knows more than I do and has enough love to answer certain prayers with “waits” and “nos”.

So, this past week was my very first week as an official, benefit-receiving, retirement-planning, 8AM – 5PM CBU employee, and it was everything I imagined it to be AND MORE. I was welcomed with open arms, celebrated with balloons, brought in donuts for my staff as we got through (my first) Transfer Student Orientation, and then went out to spend the weekend in San Diego with my best friend. Each day I drive in to work, I am overwhelmed by peace, a peace that I haven’t felt in a long time. The days are full, but rich; I am able to have lunch with past residents and my close friends who work at the university, not to mention Chick-Fil-A is directly across the hall from me (I have told myself that I can only buy lunch there once a week, because health). You guys, it is such a good season and I am so excited to see what God does through this, both in ministry and professionally!

Thank you to every single person who has prayed, encouraged, and loved me through this process. God is faithful and good and sovereign and I still can’t believe that this is real life. I am trying to soak up the blessing of this time and not look for the next season (because as humans, we are really good at not being satisfied, even we are given what we want).

So friends, here’s to three years and three cheers to CBU!  

on burnt bacon...

Monday mornings are my Sabbath.

Working in a church, Sunday is not typically a day of rest; it’s full of church services, mission’s trainings, lunch dates, coffee dates, and office work. So yeah, Sundays are full, filling days, but they are not restful days.

I woke up this morning and hustled my way into the kitchen, preparing coffee and avocado toast and bacon (a heavenly trifecta). The bacon was on the burner and I turned around for literally maybe 30 seconds, and by that time, THE BACON WAS BURNT. Excuse me; what kind of bacon burns within the time it takes to pour a cup of coffee? Apparently the kind that I buy… I was frustrated. It was barely 8:30AM and I already wanted to throw in the towel. My morning, my restful, Sabbath, Jesus-filled morning was already off to clearly a great start.

My devotion this morning reminded me of something that my heart was in desperate need of hearing. It reminded me of the grace and strength that is found in weakness.

“Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our LORD was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus… Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst…”

– 1 Timothy 1: 13-15

So I sat there, with the coffee and the burnt bacon, and I thought about how my frustration wasn’t over the bacon itself, but about what the bacon represented. It was kind of like the straw that broke the camels back, if you will. The burnt bacon was a loud shout into my heart saying, “YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH.” Now, my bacon doesn’t really talk to me, but bear with me… It was a resonating reminder of the lie that had been haunting me all week, that I am not strong enough and that I am not real enough and that I am not fill-in-the-blank enough. (Not to mention we studied Proverbs 31 in church this weekend, so there you go.)

Kaitlin Wernet over at She Reads Truth said, “I want to avoid dwelling on my faults, so I immediately justify them with my strengths.” Friends, our greatest strength is that we sin; there is no way that our strengths justify our weaknesses because even our strengths can be weaknesses. It is only in Christ, only in His grace, that our weaknesses are justified. My jealousy, my lust, my sinful nature cannot be compensated or justified by any skill set I have acquired; ONLY CHRIST, only Christ. Our weakness is incapable of being greater than His strength and His grace.

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My jealousy, my lust, my sinful nature cannot be

compensated or justified by any

skill set I have acquired...

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And here is the kicker… I AM A REAL PERSON. I sin, I fall short, I have areas in my life that I need to grow in. I am not perfect and in a sense, I really am not “enough”, and I am not supposed to be. Christ is enough, only Christ is enough. His grace is more abundant in the moments where our jealousy takes hold, where we get angry with our friends and family, where our lust becomes action, where our weaknesses are highlighted. His grace covers our sin and strife and our burnt bacon.

You are enough because Christ is enough, you are strong because His strength is made whole in your weakness, and you are pardoned because of the grace He lavishes. I have no idea what season of life you are in today; maybe a newlywed, maybe a new mom, maybe a singlet trying to figure our life, maybe recovering from a loss, maybe overjoyed by a new adventure coming your way. No matter what season you are in, His grace is more abundant. 

the familiar friend & a guest post...

Happy Monday to all you lovely people!

Today, I am over at my friend Courtney's blog, Familiar Friend, sharing about stillness and fear and how trying harder is not necessarily running faster. 

Grab a cup of coffee and head over to the post HERE. 

spring fever...

Spring is my second favorite season (silver medal, y’all).

Every single year, I get the fever… the spring fever; I want to bake new things, clean house, throw out the old, and bring on the new.

(coconut almond butter cups... recipe coming soon!)

This weekend I went a little spring fever crazy, which is totally appropriate since it was the very first weekend of the season… I bought flowers for my little apartment from our local Farmer’s Market, made a few new recipes (eggplant lasagna and coconut almond butter cups!), deep-cleaned the kitchen, sewed a new duvet, and installed new curtains. AND I WANTED TO DO MORE. So, I went to Starbucks to grab a coffee and imagine my surprise when I felt so tired driving there and back; the moment I stopped doing all the things, my body had a chance to catch up and say “FOR THE LOVE, NO MORE!”

So, I came home and did just that… nothing more. Actually, I did one thing more, which was pop in a movie and write this post!

This Spring feels different; maybe I am romanticizing it, but I feel something is coming, its in the air. There is change, there are good things, there is excitement. People, I can feel it in my bones, this season (literally) is going to be good. 

So, how are you celebrating the new season?

Buy flowers? A new candle? Take a trip to the beach?

What did you do this weekend?

Tell me all about it. 

road trips are my jam...

Most people can’t stand being in a car, but the car is my happy place. Windows down, radio up (mostly always country), sunglasses on… Perfection. 

About two weeks ago, one of my best friends and I decided to take a road trip throughout the Northern Coast. It was needed on so many levels… To get away, to reconnect (she lives in the mountains of Central CA while I am in Southern CA), to just have fun with my person. We reminisced over our college days, over our seven years of friendship; we talked about relationships and about what the Lord is teaching us and about the different seasons we are in as opposed to where we thought we would be. God is merciful and gracious to not answer some of our prayers, y'all!

Friends, I cannot tell you how much fun we had. We traveled 1,056.7 miles over four days, adventured through multiple cities, stayed in some awesome and questionable hostels, ate some of the greatest food, and had life-giving conversations. We laughed hard, drove recklessly, threw caution to the wind, drank too many lattes, ate too much food, and created lasting memories. 

DAY ONE

Riverside, CA -> Clovis, CA -> Sausalito, CA

Our first day was mostly all traveling, not sightseeing; I drove from Southern CA to Central CA to pick up my girl, then we headed straight towards Sausalito, CA. For three nights, we stayed in hostels through a company calling Hostelling International. They provide great places to stay for very cheap prices, perfect for road-tripping! We arrived in pretty late, so our only option for dinner was stopping at the local Whole Foods for build-your-own salads, mind you, we had roughly ten minutes until the store closed; cue running through Whole Foods, building salads that make no culinary sense, and taking selfies while the clerks judge us. Obviously, our trip was off to a great start! We checked into our hostel, ate our salads, and attempted to get a good nights sleep.

DAY TWO

Sausalito, CA -> San Francisco, CA -> Point Reyes, CA -> Pescadero, CA

We woke up our next day ready to plan our first day of actual road-tripping. Our first stop: the Ferry Building in San Francisco, CA. This place is filled with amazing eateries, local artisans, and great coffee. We grabbed lattes from Blue Bottle Coffee and walked through the building, sampling lotions and cheeses and all the things. And, then I ran into one of my friends from junior high school. Excuse me, yes, this did happen. I haven’t talked to her in roughly 13 years, and homegirl recognized me as we walked by her booth. CRAZY. I still can’t really believe that actually happened. We grabbed lunch from Cowgirl Creamery (known for their cheeses and salads) then headed out to the Golden Gate Park Windmills & Tulip Farm. We walked, talked, and cheered on the cyclists. We jumped in the car and drove to our next stop: Point Reyes, CA. People, Point Reyes easily became one of my new favorite towns; it is small and quaint, filled with cows and rolling hills and amazing views of the coast. We made a point to stop at the S.S. Point Reyes, an abandoned, shipwrecked ship in the middle of the town. If you ever visit Point Reyes, this is a must! We had a great time exploring the ship and taking in the beauty of it all (which meant a friendship photo session, complete with self timers and judgy onlookers). We planned to see the lighthouse, but for some reason, it was closed to the public, so we headed to our next hostel in Pescadero, CA, which happened to be on the shore of the coast, within 500 feet of a lighthouse. The view made up for the sketchy owner, the haphazardly organized kitchen, and the fluorescent-lit hot tub that the owner let us use for free. (Note to self: sometimes the best things in life are not free.) 

DAY THREE

Pescadero, CA -> Davenport, CA -> Big Sur, CA -> Santa Cruz, CA

This day was easily my favorite day of our entire trip! It was packed to the brim with great food, great sights, and great conversations. Breakfast was spent at Davenport Cafe, which is located on the side of the highway in Davenport, CA. And you think I am exaggerating, but we decided that we would be willing to plan other trips around this cafe because the food was so freaking good. I ordered an omelette with spinach, pesto, and bacon with hash browns on the side, my friend ordered a breakfast burrito, and we both ordered a cup of their special Mexican roast coffee. I am convinced that this breakfast was inspired by the Holy Spirit; legitimately, I am ruined for omelettes... There will never be an omelette that will live up to this one!

  We thanked the waitress and the cooks for one of the best meals in the history of our lives, and made the trek up to Big Sur, CA. We spent the crux of the day hiking the Pfeiffer Falls and driving through the coast, blasting T-Swift and Maroon 5... and let me tell you, it was just so dang perfect. 

The day ended in Santa Cruz, CA at the Santa Cruz Bookstore, Penny Ice Creamery and Verve Coffee. I grabbed a gift for a friend, a delicious latte, and went a little crazy on two scoops of ice cream! If you have never been to Santa Cruz, Penny Ice Creamery is a must. Their flavors are always changing, but if you get the chance, try a scoop of the Chocolate Sorbet and the Brown Bread. Again, Holy Spirit inspired, y'all! 

DAY FOUR

Santa Cruz, CA -> Clovis, CA -> Riverside, CA

Santa Cruz served as our bookend to our trip. We had breakfast at Companion Bakeshop, which serves Blue Bottle Coffee and bakes some of the tastiest pastries I have ever had in my entire life. If you are ever in Santa Cruz for the day (or the morning), this place needs to be on your list! The rest of the day was spent driving back to Central CA and Southern CA. 

I am telling you, it was a life-giving four days, but for the love, I am so very thankful for a long, clean shower and my own bed.

Next trip... Napa Valley, CA? Bend, OR? Cruise to Mexico?

The world is my oyster, apparently.