on the capacity for love (and donuts)...

It has taken me a long time to stand where I am standing, in this place where I am "okay" with Valentines Day. More so, I even kind of like it love it. I am not rolling my eyes at the many social media postings of dating/engaged/married friends, lamenting over the date-less night I have ahead of me, or even joining in on the "Singleness Awareness Day" bandwagon. No no, this year is a little bit different.

Valentines Day has always been a little somber for me, a reminder of the lack of love in my life. This year, by God's grace, I see it as a celebration of all the love I have received and been honored to give to friends and family. Call it wisdom, call it age, call it whatever you want, but God has slowly and tenderly been reminding me how much I am loved and how much I am able to love people. And the craziest thing? It has not been through a romantic relationship! I have never felt more loved than by my community, by the men and women in my life who love me in the smallest, most non-romantic ways. When I stop focusing on how I think I should be loved, I am given the eyes to see the ways that I am already being loved.
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"...when I stop focusing on how I think I should be loved, I am 

given the eyes to see the ways that I am already being loved..."

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To celebrate love ONLY in the context of a romantic relationship is missing the whole point of what love truly is; love is an extension of Christ, the One who gave His life in replacement of ours, and to only reserve it for a romantic relationship? Well, that's cheating and cheapening the love of our Savior. To only reserve love for a romantic relationship, to essentially one person, is to cheat and cheapen the work of the Cross. We must allow God to expand and redefine our definition of love so that it includes our friends, our families, and our special someones. Love is complimented in human love, but completed in Christ's love.
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"...love is complimented in human love, but completed in Christ's love...."

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We have the capacity to love only because we have been loved by Christ; He shows us how and who to love (which, by the way, is unconditional and all inclusive). Whether I am single or married, divorced or widowed, I want to love people. I want to bring them donuts and pray with them and hold them while they cry; I want to love them the way that Christ loves them, which was extravagant and exhausting and self-sacrificing. Being single should not hinder me from loving, but rather give me the freedom to love and be loved by others.

Lord, enlarge our hearts past holidays and circumstances and statuses.
Lord, grant us the capacity to love unconditionally and inclusively.
Lord, enable us to love others without expecting anything in return.
Lord, help us to receive love when others give it to us.
Lord, remind us that love is not a feeling, but a choice.
Lord, expand our capacity to love and be loved by Your people.

So today, love your people, buy the donuts, and be encouraged, 
because Christ has given you the capacity. 

#bestthirtysix...

Two thousand and fifteen.

I wanted to get away to write this; I wanted to take a retreat to really spend time with the Lord and dwell on this past year and the year that lies ahead. But, sitting here at the local Starbucks, I think that the Lord is speaking just the same. This year has been abundant; I mean abundant in every single way, in both the trials and the joys. There has been an abundance of laughter and blessing, but also an abundance of change and mourning; an abundance of life and also death. 

As the year began, the Lord spoke softly to my heart a theme… "Be still." Throughout this year, the words of Psalm 46:10 were an encouragement and a comfort… "Cease striving, be still, and know that I am God…" Stillness, it's not my spiritual gift, but with each moment and lesson this past year, it was the sweet whisper that the Lord was faithful to give… "As you wait for this new position… be still. As you end seven years of junior high ministry… be still. As you pray through your singleness… be still. As you mourn the death of your grandpa… be still. As your best friend moves overseas… be still. As you welcome new babies and take on the title of "Aunt Kristi"… be still. As you seek God… be still. As you wait for God to move… be still." This year, I saw God move mountains and open floodgates in the stillness. This year taught me that stillness on our part allows for movement on His part. 

Social media has been blowing up with the idea of the #bestnineofinstagram. I love this campaign, but when I generated mine, I had a few thoughts. First off, this is generating the photos that "the people" (whoever they may be to you) liked most, NOT what I liked most about my year. Second, NINE SQUARES? You guys, only nine little squares?! That's not the way that I roll… So, here I am (and on Instagram!) with 36 teeny, tiny squares of memories and moments, reminding me that this year has been hard and rich and full. I want to stop and rest in that, just for today. 

This year has been incredible! When I look at the little details, I recognize it's true fullness. When I look back on 2015, I will look back to when I went to the IF: Gathering in Austin, TX, ended my time serving in vocational ministry at my church, started a new job at CBU, transitioned from junior high ministry to high school ministry, bought a new car, mourned the passing of my Grandpa, became an Aunt for many sweet little babies, turned twenty six, drank too many hawaiian lattes, was published at Incourage, had conversations with Annie Downs via Twitter, read some incredible books, watched every season of "Parks & Recreation",  quit my job as a substitute teacher and barista, went on my first date ever, got seriously healthy and became a runner/jogger, saw great movies, ate great food (mostly BBQ and Mexican), took rest very seriously, went to the 1989 Taylor Swift concert, went to a Luke Bryan concert, went to a Brett Eldredge concert, went to a Shane and Shane concert, learned the importance of FaceTime dates with my best friend living in Ecuador, had a house broken in to, went to Disneyland, spent a lot of time driving around my town and praying, had hard conversations with the Lord, learned a lot about myself, bought a rug, started a retirement fund, and nurtured old friendships and made some new ones. And I am sure I am forgetting a lot of other things! Man, 2015 was rich. (But please note, 2015 was NOT the year that I became rich. #targetstealsallmymoney)

I have spent time in prayer over 2016, asking the Lord to reveal a theme to me. I sat with an expectant heart, waiting to glean what He would speak. I am excited to share that with you all in the coming week, but for now, I am leaning into the gleanings of this past year rather than the excitement for the new one, because there is a lot there. 

So here's to 2015, the year that has come and gone. Whether you want to forget it forever or relive those memories for years to come, I pray that you would lean into the things that God has done for you. May the pains and the joys be redeemed by the work of Christ! Raise your glass (of sparkling cider) and celebrate that there is a time for everything, for mourning and for dancing (and lets hope tonight is full of dancing!)!

Cheers to 2015, friends! 

all the things: october...

People, October is hands down my favorite month of the year and I hate that it is over. Even though Southern California is not really getting the whole Fall memo, I wish that every month could be October.

Here are all the things (a lot of things!) of October:

What More Do You Want?: Everyone needs to watch this right now. Annie Downs is one of my favorite authors/speakers/people in this entire world. I fully believe that we would be best friends if we lived in the same city. I love her heart for God and for this idea that we are living the good life NOW. Whatever you are waiting for (a job, a marriage, a child, etc.), know that God knows and God sees and He is in control. Trust His timing, trust His character.

Jason Derulo: You guys, I went to a live taping of a particular show with a few friends this past month, and let me tell you, I have no words. I will say that I probably won’t go to another taping (unless it is for Ellen Degeneres or Jimmy Fallon), but seeing Jason Derulo without a shirt… Worth it, worth all four hours of standing. I also ate my feelings in burgers and fries that night because JASON DERULO WITHOUT A SHIRT.

Kick The Dust Up Tour: I also went to see Luke Bryan, Randy Houser, and Dustin Lynch this month for the “Kick The Dust Up Tour”. Luke Bryan kept sneezing on stage and chasing it with a shot of tequila, but you know what, I love that man and his music. Also, Randy Houser was the most pleasant surprise; that man has PIPES. Like, I want him to sing me to sleep every night. We had so much fun and I am already ready for next summer and all the country tours to roll back in to town!

WhenYou Have An Overly Expressive Face: People, this is me. I have gotten in to SO MUCH trouble because I wear my emotions and reactions on my precious face. I often look much like Kristen Wiig in that photo. 

Adele and Bieber: YOU GUYS THESE SONGS. “Hello” and “Sorry” have been the soundtrack to October.

Dating:Are We Doing It Wrong?: Okay, so this. I wish that I had written this article myself because it is good good good. We live in a time (in this church) where we are terrified to be vulnerable and to date and confess that none of us know what the heck we are doing. Coffee dates are NOT marriage proposals, people. Please read this, you will not regret it!

Twenty-Six: This month I turned 26, and it has been one of my favorite birthdays! I am thankful for what 25 was for me and am excited for what 26 will be; did you get a chance to read about everything I learned in these past years? Read HERE.

Pumpkins, Wheelbarrows, and Halloween: Halloween is my most favorite holiday ever. I love carving pumpkins, going to the pumpkin patch, passing out candy, dressing up, drinking cider… It’s just the best! This year, my college roommates and I spent the day at a local pumpkin patch going through the corn maze and picking out pumpkins. We spent the rest of the night eating candy, drinking cider, carving pumpkins, and watching “Hocus Pocus”. It was the absolute best. Also, I carved my pumpkin as an ode to my favorite emoji: HEART EYES. It turned out perfect. Halloween was perfect.

So friends, how was your month?

Are we ready for November?