road trips are my jam...

Most people can’t stand being in a car, but the car is my happy place. Windows down, radio up (mostly always country), sunglasses on… Perfection. 

About two weeks ago, one of my best friends and I decided to take a road trip throughout the Northern Coast. It was needed on so many levels… To get away, to reconnect (she lives in the mountains of Central CA while I am in Southern CA), to just have fun with my person. We reminisced over our college days, over our seven years of friendship; we talked about relationships and about what the Lord is teaching us and about the different seasons we are in as opposed to where we thought we would be. God is merciful and gracious to not answer some of our prayers, y'all!

Friends, I cannot tell you how much fun we had. We traveled 1,056.7 miles over four days, adventured through multiple cities, stayed in some awesome and questionable hostels, ate some of the greatest food, and had life-giving conversations. We laughed hard, drove recklessly, threw caution to the wind, drank too many lattes, ate too much food, and created lasting memories. 

DAY ONE

Riverside, CA -> Clovis, CA -> Sausalito, CA

Our first day was mostly all traveling, not sightseeing; I drove from Southern CA to Central CA to pick up my girl, then we headed straight towards Sausalito, CA. For three nights, we stayed in hostels through a company calling Hostelling International. They provide great places to stay for very cheap prices, perfect for road-tripping! We arrived in pretty late, so our only option for dinner was stopping at the local Whole Foods for build-your-own salads, mind you, we had roughly ten minutes until the store closed; cue running through Whole Foods, building salads that make no culinary sense, and taking selfies while the clerks judge us. Obviously, our trip was off to a great start! We checked into our hostel, ate our salads, and attempted to get a good nights sleep.

DAY TWO

Sausalito, CA -> San Francisco, CA -> Point Reyes, CA -> Pescadero, CA

We woke up our next day ready to plan our first day of actual road-tripping. Our first stop: the Ferry Building in San Francisco, CA. This place is filled with amazing eateries, local artisans, and great coffee. We grabbed lattes from Blue Bottle Coffee and walked through the building, sampling lotions and cheeses and all the things. And, then I ran into one of my friends from junior high school. Excuse me, yes, this did happen. I haven’t talked to her in roughly 13 years, and homegirl recognized me as we walked by her booth. CRAZY. I still can’t really believe that actually happened. We grabbed lunch from Cowgirl Creamery (known for their cheeses and salads) then headed out to the Golden Gate Park Windmills & Tulip Farm. We walked, talked, and cheered on the cyclists. We jumped in the car and drove to our next stop: Point Reyes, CA. People, Point Reyes easily became one of my new favorite towns; it is small and quaint, filled with cows and rolling hills and amazing views of the coast. We made a point to stop at the S.S. Point Reyes, an abandoned, shipwrecked ship in the middle of the town. If you ever visit Point Reyes, this is a must! We had a great time exploring the ship and taking in the beauty of it all (which meant a friendship photo session, complete with self timers and judgy onlookers). We planned to see the lighthouse, but for some reason, it was closed to the public, so we headed to our next hostel in Pescadero, CA, which happened to be on the shore of the coast, within 500 feet of a lighthouse. The view made up for the sketchy owner, the haphazardly organized kitchen, and the fluorescent-lit hot tub that the owner let us use for free. (Note to self: sometimes the best things in life are not free.) 

DAY THREE

Pescadero, CA -> Davenport, CA -> Big Sur, CA -> Santa Cruz, CA

This day was easily my favorite day of our entire trip! It was packed to the brim with great food, great sights, and great conversations. Breakfast was spent at Davenport Cafe, which is located on the side of the highway in Davenport, CA. And you think I am exaggerating, but we decided that we would be willing to plan other trips around this cafe because the food was so freaking good. I ordered an omelette with spinach, pesto, and bacon with hash browns on the side, my friend ordered a breakfast burrito, and we both ordered a cup of their special Mexican roast coffee. I am convinced that this breakfast was inspired by the Holy Spirit; legitimately, I am ruined for omelettes... There will never be an omelette that will live up to this one!

  We thanked the waitress and the cooks for one of the best meals in the history of our lives, and made the trek up to Big Sur, CA. We spent the crux of the day hiking the Pfeiffer Falls and driving through the coast, blasting T-Swift and Maroon 5... and let me tell you, it was just so dang perfect. 

The day ended in Santa Cruz, CA at the Santa Cruz Bookstore, Penny Ice Creamery and Verve Coffee. I grabbed a gift for a friend, a delicious latte, and went a little crazy on two scoops of ice cream! If you have never been to Santa Cruz, Penny Ice Creamery is a must. Their flavors are always changing, but if you get the chance, try a scoop of the Chocolate Sorbet and the Brown Bread. Again, Holy Spirit inspired, y'all! 

DAY FOUR

Santa Cruz, CA -> Clovis, CA -> Riverside, CA

Santa Cruz served as our bookend to our trip. We had breakfast at Companion Bakeshop, which serves Blue Bottle Coffee and bakes some of the tastiest pastries I have ever had in my entire life. If you are ever in Santa Cruz for the day (or the morning), this place needs to be on your list! The rest of the day was spent driving back to Central CA and Southern CA. 

I am telling you, it was a life-giving four days, but for the love, I am so very thankful for a long, clean shower and my own bed.

Next trip... Napa Valley, CA? Bend, OR? Cruise to Mexico?

The world is my oyster, apparently.

the if: gathering (the second day)...

Our morning started with a trip to the local Starbucks, but let me just tell you, coffee was not needed once we entered the theatre…

Our first speaker for the day was Christine Caine; who needs coffee when you start your day with her? And, we had seats in the very front, I could have grabbed her hand and pulled her off the stage if I wanted to! She introduced herself as the woman who “will talk until the Second Coming”, and we laughed because it was true and because we secretly hoped that she would. She dove right in to Joshua 1, a pivotal, transitional, leadership chapter. Christine stated that the spirit of fear is always inherent to a transition; that we have a choice to follow our fear or follow our faith. BIG THINGS. Then, she gets extremely personal with all 2,000 of us in the room about our past baggage and blessings…

“What is dead in your life that you refuse to let go of? God says it is dead; that painful experience is dead, that season of blessing is dead, He is not blessing it like He was before, there is no grace or oil in it, it is finished!”

She says that we have an unhealthy attachment to our past, we love to rehearse it, both the baggage and the blessing; we are so scared of what will be so we cling to what has been.

“Where have you been paralyzed and crippled by fear?”

“Sweetheart, if the horse is dead, DISMOUNT! He is not the God of “I WAS”, but He is the God of “I AM””.

I am telling you, I think every single woman in that room needed to hear these words. For me, I am not weighed down by baggage, but by blessing. I have never heard someone talk about a good season being a hindrance to walking in the presence, but I really identified with that. There have been absolutely amazing seasons of my life, seasons where God has blessed me with community, with purpose, with adventure and excitement, and I have found that I am clinging to those moments. I must dismount; I must allow them to rest in the goodness of the past.

“Being faithful does not mean we are fearless, but rather we are more full of faith than we are of fear…”

And with that, I decided I needed to let my faith wholly displace my fear, to dismount what is dead and plunge into the abundance He has for me in the right now.

Shauna Niequist and her mother, Lynne Hybels, spoke to women on the treadmill on perfectionism and busyness, how it leads us to be numb, to places where the Enemy may grab a foothold and sink deep the roots of depression, fear, and anxiety.

“Nice girls take care of everyone else, but no themselves…”

“How is your current life violating the pace of your character?”

Months ago, I wrestled with the concept of pace and living and all of its implications on my current life. The Lord has led me to a year of stillness; I was running a treadmill whose pace kept increasing, but not the momentum. Our momentum in life should trump our pace.

We heard from women of various ethnics, races, and backgrounds on diversity and racism; now let me just say, I have NEVER understood the concept of racism. I have never struggled with it, so for me, this round table wasn’t as powerful as it was for other women in the room. I completely enjoyed it, learning more about how other races felt and were perceived, but the real treat was who came next.

Bianca Olthoff, Chief Storyteller of the A21 Campaign (working under Christine Caine), spoke wild truth into our hearts that afternoon. She opened to Joshua 6, and let me tell you, the 2,000 women in the room could barely write down everything she had to say! Her main idea to which she expounded upon was: WHY DON’T WE BELIEVE? She gave us the Baptist three: (1) because we lose vision, (2) because we don’t see change, and (3) because we don’t know when it ends.

“Impossible situations do not intimidate God… He speaks in the past tense to things that have yet to happen! (Joshua 6:2)”

“Just because it is the Promised Land does not mean that we posess it…”

“Just because progress isn’t seen doesn’t mean that your faith is not working…”

“There is a beautiful routine to obedience…”

“Trying harder is not always running faster…”

That closing point hit me like a TON OF BRICKS y’all. Sometimes, trying harder is resting, being obedient to a Sabbath, slowing down, changing the pace. Right now, for me, trying harder is being still.

We closed out the IF: Gathering with an incredible moment of worship, writing our faith steps on stones and placing them before the stage. Here was 2,000 women hearing God move in their hearts, all with different journeys and wounds and next steps to be called to; it was beautiful.

During the last session of worship, I started to uncontrollably weep. I tried to stop, I chalked it up to the estrogen in the room, that I was emotional simply because everyone was emotional (empathy is a blessing and a curse, friends). But then I hit this moment where I couldn’t stop, the Lord told me to keep going, keep weeping, keep letting it all out. I sat there, tears falling, women singing, when I felt in my innermost place, the place where only Jesus has hold of, a stirring.

“Child, I am your Father, rest in My provision and promises; I will take care of you when no one else will…”

He stirred up that place of longing in my heart; I had no idea what was breaking me until He brought it into the light and exposed it. For years, it has been just me; I pay my bills, I make my meals, I take care of myself when I am sick, I bandage my own wounds… There is no one to lean back on, no family, no husband, no one. That created a pace of life that nearly broke me; I did not accept love, I did not accept help, I did not allow for rest and grace. But here is this Jesus, corralling me into this place of stillness, stirring within my heart a truth, saying He has me, He has me.

This weekend was such an incredible place of truth, restoration, stillness, and edification. Now comes the hardest part…

Living in light of all of the things, living like He is taking care of me, living without running faster, living without violating my character, living without crippling fear, living in hope, living in the fullness of who I am because of who He is, living in faith.

Please consider joining us over at IF: Equip for our study of Hebrews!

(If you want to purchase the sessions from

the IF: Gathering in Austin, TX, they are available HERE.)

the if: gathering (the first day)...

There I was, sitting, preparing, praying.

I was beyond excited to begin the journey that God had for me this weekend; again, He was already doing a lot of work in my heart and I knew this weekend would intensify that.

The Lord was faithful to give me so many things this weekend, so many gleanings that I am still processing through and harvesting in my heart. The speakers and guests at this conference were so vulnerable and transparent, and I am so thankful for that. Leading out of vulnerability is one of my personal mantras, so to see these women leading others through the rough periods of their life, where they had been in the wilderness, where life beat them and broke them, was such an honor. We heard from Jessica Sowards and April Smith who taught us “we can dance upon graves because we have Jesus” and that “we won’t just move mountains, we will burn them to the ground.” Powerful things, friends.

Founder of IF, Jennie Allen, set the tone for the weekend as we studied Numbers 13 and when she posed the questions:

Am I enough?

Are we going to be safe?

What will this cost me?

These questions are basic, but have intrinsic value to our souls. I recently met with a counselor at my church to greater understand trust and safety within relationships. He said that 2/3 of these questions are what we bring into this world, and our view is slowly molded in our experiences of God, people, and ourselves. Mercy. (I wish I had time to diviulge all of his wisdom! Another post for another time…)

Jennie led us to the place where we saw two storylines in the story of the Israelites… one of faith and one by sight; the two saw the land of milk and honey from the vantage point of faith, while the ten simply saw the giants ahead. They must have wondered, “If God is real, then what am I doing in the desert?” And friends, don’t we do that so often? If God is real, then why does my mom have cancer? If God is real, then why did my husband die overseas? If God is real, then why am I struggling to provide for myself? If God is real… BIG, HARD, MESSY QUESTIONS Y’ALL.

After a small break, we returned to hear Angie Smith, Jo Saxton, and Rebekah Lyons. Each woman, so full of life and redemption, each with amazing stories and passions… Angie Smith, our resident Natalie Portman look-alike, shared deep wounds of her past, encouraging women in their gifting’s and passions. She spoke on her desire to be a soccer player (and I instantly remembered my soccer days as a sweeper and forward and became instantly exhausted… for the love, SO MUCH RUNNING!) but her place as a cheerleader. Somehow, she saw being a cheerleader as being less then a soccer player. And her words spoke conviction to the crowd of 2,000 as she stated, “Angie, who told you that being a cheerleader wasn’t important?” Who has told us that we aren’t important? That being a mom isn’t important? That being a single woman in ministry isn’t important? That being a businesswoman wasn’t important? Holy Moses, truth sunk in hard…

“I stopped valuing my gifts because they weren’t what I valued in others…”

“We all have a want to be legitimate; we want something to legitimize our work, our places, our identities…”

On the panel of three, I have to admit, Jo Saxton was my absolute favorite. She is a passionate African-American woman with an incredible English accent; she immediately captured us with her humor, her story, and her gleanings on faith and the Israelites.

“We don’t live beyond what we think of ourselves; we cant live in the fullness of His promises without living in the fullness of our identities… Do you see yourself as a grasshopper?”

She spoke on the 12 tribes, how the Amalekites and Jebusites and Levites and all the other tribes were known for being the bullies or the ones with the great riches or the ones with the land and how we have our own tribes that captivate us; we have our own kingdom mindsets that trap us and enslave us with unbelief.

“Free people free people…”

Then, she spoke about her earthly father and the absence of him in her life. And friends, I have never been one to resent my earthly father for his lack of presence in my life, but Jo brought me to that place of emotion and feeling that I had no idea was there. She put words to feelings that have been resting deep down in my heart.

“How do I know that my Heavenly Father is for me when my

earthly father wasn’t?”

And that was when my jaw dropped to the floor. I don’t know how a father acts to his children because I never experienced that; I don’t know a father’s touch, his provision, his protection, his unconditional love. I know the opposite. And how does that impact my relationship with God? Gosh, my heart was pounding, my mind racing. I am still processing through this, even today as I type this.

Next, Rebekah Lyons shared with us her passion and desire for repentance in this generation, for a revival and circumcision of the heart. She stated that revival is “the infusion of the Spirit into the body that threatens to be a corpse”. May we be women who come fully alive in the blood of Christ!

We had a dinner break where I met two wonderful women from Texas. We shared life stories and queso and chips and I had the best enchiladas mole that I have ever tasted. (When in Texas, right?)

Now friends, here is the highlight of my weekend… JEN HATMAKER. I am confident that Jen Hatmaker and I would be great friends. She is that blend of godly and real that makes the devil fear for his life. I am so thankful that she writes and shares with the world her raw moments of motherhood, being a wife, being a follower of Christ. I thought I couldn’t speak more highly of her UNTIL FEBRUARY 6, 2015.

Jen walked up onto the stage in her big earrings and poncho, beautiful and eclectic as ever. And let me tell you, she captivated us with humor and truth for the next thirty minutes. She shared about her father and his character and how he “over-loved” her and her siblings. And then she went to that place where my heart heard things that I desperately needed to hear from the Lord. Here are ALL MY NOTES, free of charge:

“When you believe someone, you believe what they say about you…”

“Kingdom ways aren’t practical ways…”

“Expect a battle for faith; we become powerful with faith, it moves from our heads and into our lives…”

“We live out God’s kingdom to the fullness that we believe in it…”

“It can be so hard to trust a God who continuously sends us to the hard places; our limits blind us to Gods capacity…”

“We don’t believe in ourselves in Him,

we believe in ourselves in ourselves…”

“You don’t need full confidence in yourself,

you need full confidence in God…”

“Tiny God categories DON’T work…”

“Don’t wait until you have full possession of knowledge before you take full possession of God… Faith does not demand that God always explain Himself... Faith actually remains in tact and thrives in that place…”

“Faith does not inoculate us from being human…”

“What you want to be true in the day,

you find out if it is true in the night…”

“The Israelites were abused and tender, coming 
out of slavery and bondage mere weeks ago… 
the Promised Land was too terrifying to hope for…”

“Freedom, at times, is impossible to believe in.

Bondage is familiar, and we cling to that place…”

“Give your heart permission to trust Him…”

“Faith isn’t a formula to get to the good stuff… it is the good stuff…”

“Faith doesn’t rid us of insecurity, it overcomes it…”

“It is safe to trust a faithful God…”

All of these are amazing reflections, but can we notice where she starts talking about the Israelites? About how they were bruised and tender from bondage, and that His promises were actually too terrifying to hope for, to believe in? I AM AN ISRAELITE; I am coming out of a season where God was silent, where my heart was crushed, where I couldn’t see anything to hope in or for, and when I did, it was absolutely one-hundred percent too wonderful, so I retreated into fear, into doubt, into anxiety. I am telling you, coming from that place, I needed to hear and be reminded that faith is a good thing, that it is a hard thing, that I can have permission to trust a completely faithful God.

I think it is safe to say that good ole’ Jen rocked my spiritual world. Thank you and goodnight.

Next up were Bob and “Sweet” Maria Goff. What a fantastic, lively couple! They shared about their platform of love and how it has affected their marriage. Maria shared what it is like to love and support a man who is constantly adventuring and Bob shared about men, their fears and what they respect in a woman… And then, she said this:

“People who love people like Jesus are constantly misunderstood…”

SO GOOD. (Also, I was “so good-ing” all weekend. Just call me Jimmy Fallon.)

Next, Shelley Giglio led us women in a time of reflection and “selah”. A few more IF women spoke, and let me just tell you about the moment I had with Debbie Eaton… Debbie Eaton is an incredibly sweet woman, committed to the IF vision out here in Southern California. Debbie walked up on stage, took the microphone, and people, I FELT LIKE SHE WAS TELLING MY STORY. She stood there and told us that she was in a place of stillness, that the Lord was requiring her to be still and to watch Him do things. “God’s acceptance is not in the doing…” she said. “Yield to the pruning...” she said. “Be still and know that He is God…” she said. Chills covered every single crevice of my body… She just summed up my entire current convictions, the past three months of my life, and frankly, the year leading up to this year. It was like she knew. And she did. And I can’t wait to email her and meet her in Southern California.

And then Maragaret Feinberg stepped on to the stage and the tears fell out of my eyes. She shared about her battle with breast cancer and how the cancer may be gone, but the effects are not. She shared that God spoke to her amidst her healing…

“You don’t negotiate with me, you pray for your WHOLE healing…”

Our God is not one of negotiation when it comes to provision and healing, He is a God of full restoriation and redemption. ALL THE TEARS.

Ann Voskamp followed with a powerful monologue about brokenness… that the broken place is the breaking free place, that the Lord unfolds the folds of us and absorbs the quakes of our fears. We must break in order to give…

And that was the end of the first day, and the women saw that it was good.

Honestly friends, I have so much to dwell on and think through still. Looking over my notes, gleaning seconds from my first fruits of the conference, heart still racing at the things Jesus spoke to me.

And then, the sun rose on the second day...

a coffee date...

If we were on a coffee date, we would get our coffee to go and walk around Downtown Redlands, because the weather has been beautiful lately.

If we were on a coffee date, we would talk about the Taylor Swift album and the new Bethel album, because both have carried me through this week.

If we were on a coffee date, we would talk how I am going to Texas tomorrow. Also, I found a list of shooting locations from “Friday Night Lights”. Among them are the Panthers Field and Tim Riggins’ house…

If we were on a coffee date, I would talk to you about how I have been a crazy hot mess of a person lately; I haven’t been acting in wisdom, but rather my own desires, and I am praying that the Lord redeems conversations and actions.

If we were on a coffee date, I would ask you if asking and trusting God for things that are not promised to us grows or stunts our faith… Is this foolish or a reflection of deep faith? #hardquestions

If we were on a coffee date, we would also talk about pain and deep wounds and the sting of hurt pride.

If we were on a coffee date, I would end on a funny note and tell you that this week, one of my junior high girls thought Tijuana was another word for crack. He older brother, who is in high school, also talked to me about the Sadie Robertson Dance… For those who need clarity, she meant marijuana and he meant the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I LIVE FOR MOMENTS LIKE THESE.

*These posts are inspired by this lady. She's a new favorite.*