Our morning
started with a trip to the local Starbucks, but let me just tell you, coffee
was not needed once we entered the theatre…
Our first speaker
for the day was Christine Caine; who needs coffee when you start your day with
her? And, we had seats in the very front, I could have grabbed her hand and
pulled her off the stage if I wanted to! She introduced herself as the woman
who “will talk until the Second Coming”, and we laughed because it was true and
because we secretly hoped that she would. She dove right in to Joshua 1, a
pivotal, transitional, leadership chapter. Christine stated that the spirit of
fear is always inherent to a transition; that we have a choice to follow our
fear or follow our faith. BIG THINGS. Then, she gets extremely personal with
all 2,000 of us in the room about our past baggage and blessings…
“What is dead in your life that you refuse
to let go of? God says it is dead; that painful experience is dead, that season
of blessing is dead, He is not blessing it like He was before, there is no
grace or oil in it, it is finished!”
She says that we have an unhealthy
attachment to our past, we love to rehearse it, both the baggage and the
blessing; we are so scared of what will be so we cling to what has been.
“Where have you been paralyzed and
crippled by fear?”
“Sweetheart, if the horse is
dead, DISMOUNT! He is not the God of “I WAS”, but He is the God of “I AM””.
I am telling you,
I think every single woman in that room needed to hear these words. For me, I
am not weighed down by baggage, but by blessing. I have never heard someone
talk about a good season being a hindrance to walking in the presence, but I
really identified with that. There have been absolutely amazing seasons of my
life, seasons where God has blessed me with community, with purpose, with
adventure and excitement, and I have found that I am clinging to those moments.
I must dismount; I must allow them to rest in the goodness of the past.
“Being faithful does not mean we are
fearless, but rather we are more full of faith than we are of fear…”
And with that, I
decided I needed to let my faith wholly displace my fear, to dismount what is
dead and plunge into the abundance He has for me in the right now.
Shauna Niequist
and her mother, Lynne Hybels, spoke to women on the treadmill on perfectionism
and busyness, how it leads us to be numb, to places where the Enemy may grab a
foothold and sink deep the roots of depression, fear, and anxiety.
“Nice girls take care of everyone else,
but no themselves…”
“How is your current life
violating the pace of your character?”
Months ago, I
wrestled with the concept of pace and living and all of its implications on my
current life. The Lord has led me to a year of stillness; I was running a
treadmill whose pace kept increasing, but not the momentum. Our momentum in life should trump our pace.
We heard from
women of various ethnics, races, and backgrounds on diversity and racism; now
let me just say, I have NEVER understood the concept of racism. I have never
struggled with it, so for me, this round table wasn’t as powerful as it was for
other women in the room. I completely enjoyed it, learning more about how other
races felt and were perceived, but the real treat was who came next.
Bianca Olthoff,
Chief Storyteller of the A21 Campaign (working under Christine Caine), spoke
wild truth into our hearts that afternoon. She opened to Joshua 6, and let me
tell you, the 2,000 women in the room could barely write down everything she
had to say! Her main idea to which she expounded upon was: WHY DON’T WE BELIEVE? She gave us the Baptist three: (1) because we
lose vision, (2) because we don’t see change, and (3) because we don’t know
when it ends.
“Impossible situations do not intimidate
God… He speaks in the past tense to things that have yet to happen! (Joshua
6:2)”
“Just because it is the Promised Land does
not mean that we posess it…”
“Just because progress isn’t seen doesn’t
mean that your faith is not working…”
“There is a beautiful routine to
obedience…”
“Trying harder is not always
running faster…”
That closing
point hit me like a TON OF BRICKS y’all. Sometimes, trying harder is resting, being
obedient to a Sabbath, slowing down, changing the pace. Right now, for me,
trying harder is being still.
We closed out the
IF: Gathering with an incredible moment of worship, writing our faith steps on
stones and placing them before the stage. Here was 2,000 women hearing God move
in their hearts, all with different journeys and wounds and next steps to be
called to; it was beautiful.
During the last
session of worship, I started to uncontrollably weep. I tried to stop, I
chalked it up to the estrogen in the room, that I was emotional simply because
everyone was emotional (empathy is a blessing and a curse, friends). But then I
hit this moment where I couldn’t stop, the
Lord told me to keep going, keep weeping, keep letting it all out. I sat there,
tears falling, women singing, when I felt in my innermost place, the place
where only Jesus has hold of, a stirring.
“Child, I am your Father,
rest in My provision and promises; I will take care of you when no one else
will…”
He stirred up
that place of longing in my heart; I had no idea what was breaking me until He
brought it into the light and exposed it. For years, it has been just me; I pay
my bills, I make my meals, I take care of myself when I am sick, I bandage my
own wounds… There is no one to lean back on, no family, no husband, no one. That
created a pace of life that nearly broke me; I did not accept love, I did not
accept help, I did not allow for rest and grace. But here is this Jesus, corralling
me into this place of stillness, stirring within my heart a truth, saying He
has me, He has me.
This weekend was
such an incredible place of truth, restoration, stillness, and edification. Now
comes the hardest part…
Living in light
of all of the things, living like He is taking care of me, living without
running faster, living without violating my character, living without crippling
fear, living in hope, living in the fullness of who I am because of who He is,
living in faith.
Please consider joining us over at IF: Equip for our study of Hebrews!
(If you want to purchase the sessions from
the IF: Gathering in Austin, TX, they are
available HERE.)
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