on what I want the younger (and older) girls to know...

I want you to know that you are both beautiful. You and the girl you are comparing yourself to; you are both worthy and lovely and absolutely amazing in very specifically different ways. 

I want you to know that it is okay to think boys are cute and fun, because they are cute and fun, but they aren't meant to consume your whole life. You are a whole person, whether you are in or out of a relationship. 

I want you to know that the list of things you want in a future husband changes, and praise the Lord for that because the most important things are not that he loves dogs, plays football, has brown hair, and listens to country music. 

I want you to know that a Jesus centered life is better than a Pinterest worthy life.

I want you to know the power of Jesus, the true power of who He is and what He does with our lives. He died for your sins and three days later rose from the grave, conquering death and claiming victory for humanity. He can redeem, restore, provide, prepare, lavish grace, love, and truth. He can take everything you have done and turn it into something beautiful, even the ugliest of things. 

I want you to know the power of dancing and singing and laughing.

I want you to know that God is big enough for your emotions. You are allowed to be mad, sad, excited, frustrated, confused, messy, and wild. 

I want you to know that you should eat the fries, buy the dress, say the nice thing, smile at the boy, read the book, go to the beach, buy yourself flowers, take a trip.

I want you to know that life is too short to be uncomfortable in your own skin.

I want you to know how important it is to find a mentor, for someone to show you how to live for Jesus in the middle of the mundane. Invite someone into your life to keep you accountable, to be a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with, a sister to encourage you in truth, and someone to come over on a Friday night with pizza and ice cream and a chick flick (preferably written by Nicholas Sparks, amen?).

I want you to know that the way you treat people matters. 

I want you to know that life is full of really good things. But there is a difference between good things and godly things, learn to discern the difference. 

I want you to know that we were never meant to "have it all" and "do it all".

I want you to know that there are worse things than gaining weight, a bad haircut, not having a boyfriend or a husband or kids, not having enough "likes" on Instagram, or not being invited to the party. It is far worse to be unkind, ungrateful, ungodly. 

I want you to know the value in having fun and not taking yourself too seriously. Give yourself some grace. 

I want you to know that life is hard, but God is good. Seriously. He is the treasure.

I want you to know that the church is powerful and is the most beautiful source of encouragement and community.

I want you to know that you are loved. SO FREAKING LOVED. Just because you aren't loved by the people you want or in the ways you want, doesn't mean you aren't. 

I want you to know that I am cheering for you, don't give up, you've got this.

on my Christmas card, my Ebenezer...

As I grow older, nothing brings me more joy in the Christmas season than to receive Christmas cards from friends and people whom I consider family. I love reading through the updates, seeing all of the matching outfits, and oo-ing and ah-ing over pretty designs and words. Also, I feel the need to tell you that one of the couples from my church (and very dear friends) has a photo of President Obama holding their sweet baby girl on their Christmas card which means they definitely won Christmas.

Over the past few years, I have wanted to make a Christmas card. But here is the deal... I am single. Is a single woman allowed to make a Christmas card? Is that awkward? What would I even put on it? A photo of just myself? Of me and a dog? (I don't even have a dog!) Christmas cards are for married people, for big families who have lived big years, at least, that's what I have always thought. To me, I felt like if I made a Christmas card, it would highlight the lack I feel in my life... no husband, no children, no family. Just me in a field of Christmas trees. Festive, but lonely. 

This year, I made a Christmas card. It's festive and full of life; they are full of my favorite memories and my favorite people. As I hand them out to my community, their excitement and joy overwhelms me. This card may just be a card to my friends, one that will be set on a mantle or hung on a garland, but to me it serves as an ebenezer, a mark of God's goodness in my life. I look to this card and see fullness rather than lack; my life is FULL of people and friends and adventures and ministry and it's beautiful.

In 1 Samuel 7, we see that Samuel commemorates his victory over the Philistines by raising a stone, an ebenezer. This Hebrew "stone of help" would remind him of God's faithfulness, that He has been his strength, his portion, his literal rock. 
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"Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far the Lord has helped us..."" - 1 Samuel 7:12

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This Christmas card allows me to see Him and say the same as Samuel, thus far the Lord has helped me. Where I perceive a lack in my life, Jesus has filled it. After all, that is what Christmas is all about, right? Our fulfillment, our Savior, has arrived. 

Thus far the Lord has helped me, what a beautiful truth to remember. 

the wheels on the bus...

"Are you awake?"

I am not the best at asking for help. I would almost rather spend an extra hour doing something in my own power rather than asking for help from others. Call it independence, call it fortitude, call it something frilly and pretty and noble, but I know what to call it... pride.

This week my car has been in the shop for repairs, and will continue to be there for probably another three. Inconvenient, but not the worst thing in the world. So for a week I have been taking the bus to and from work and asking all my friends for rides to events, to church, to the grocery store. It's definitely humbling to be so dependent on others. 

Yesterday was just like any other day. I stood at the bus stop. I waited for the bus. I chatted with another woman at the stop and then we got on. I sat and prepared for the seven minute ride. Then, we switched to the left lane. NOT NORMAL. Then, we switched over to the left turn lane. SO NOT NORMAL. My bus ride is literally a straight three miles on the same familiar street. I started to panic. I pressed the little button for a stop request. We turned on to the next street. The bus stopped and I walked off, completely bewildered. HOW COULD I HAVE GOTTEN ON THE WRONG BUS? I walked to the stoplight and immediately called a friend. She happened to join a 6am yoga class this week, so I knew she would be awake. I walked across the street to the local Starbucks, texting frantically. She was quick to respond and even quicker to drive over. 
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"...sharing life with people means humility..."

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She pulled in to the Starbucks, I jumped in her car, covered my face, and laughed. Friends, sharing life with people means humility. It means calling them at 7:30am asking them to pick you up at a local Starbucks because somehow you took the wrong bus and have no idea how to get to work on time. And can I just tell you what my friend said when I told her that I owe her a cup of coffee?

"You don't owe me, this is what friends are for."

My prideful, stupid heart needed to be reminded that this is why we are never meant to do life alone. We need people, we need Jesus, we need to be dependent on others (ultimately Jesus) outside of ourselves. 

Humility. Community. Grace. May we all continue to learn the gift of each.

on guards and walls...

Hi, my name is Kristi, and I am a Feeler.

It's hard living life as a Feeler. Being a Feeler means I filter life through my heart, not my head. Being a Feeler means I bear my burdens and the burdens of others in a very serious way. Being a Feeler means I am quick to trust and quick to love; it means discernment and gut instinct over fact and formula. I tend to love people and things when love doesn't make logical sense. My heart carries a lot within it, and by a lot I mean A FREAKING LOT. I like this about myself, I truly do, but sometimes, having a big heart means you need to install big boundaries. Because when you wear your heart on your sleeve, when you love everyone and everything with all you have, you are exposed to a serious amount of pain, rejection, and false hope.
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"...sometimes, having a big heart means you need to install big boundaries..."

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Recently, I can feel myself beginning to install walls around my heart; big, hefty, Home Depot-type walls. The walls are being laid brick by brick, sort of haphazardly and unintentionally. There is no rhyme or reason, there is just construction. Where once there was liberty to hope, there is the beginnings of a hedge. 

The Bible speaks of the heart as both a wellspring and as wicked. In Proverbs 4:23 we are warned to guard our hearts and in Jeremiah 17:9 we are told that we aren't to trust it. A wellspring bent towards wickedness, that's our heart. Wellsprings and wickedness and walls... What do we do with all of that? (Seriously, asking for a friend myself.)

In an effort to try and understand my own heart and my own hopes, I am resting in a place that says guards are healthy and needed. Guards are healthy, walls are not. Guards are meant to keep something safe while walls are meant to close off. A guard allows my heart to be protected, a wall confines my heart to be hidden. In my plight to keep myself safe, sometimes I end up closing myself off completely, and that is not a tendency that I want to cultivate. 

We all want to be safe. We all want to be protected from pain, from embarrassment, from shame, from false hope. Friends, there is nothing worse than a false hope, of this I am absolutely sure. And this is why I want the walls... I want the walls because earthly love does fail. Earthly love disappoints and expects too much, it has too much potential for pain.  But, in the fear of false hope, we cannot lose all hope. While I was listening to the words of Ellie Holcombs "Love Never Fails", my prayer echos her words: "Oh Lord, help me to live like love never fails..."
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"...in the fear of false hope, we cannot lose all hope..."

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I want to live like love never fails, because real love is unfailing. I want to live like love never fails, because love itself offers as a wall of protection. I want to live like love never fails, because I don't want to live like love fails. When we live like love never fails, we love without fear and without expectation and without walls. 

His hope is secure and His love is unfailing, I am praying my heart finds solace and comfort in that place, and that I allow His secure hope and unfailing love to act as guards, protecting me and softening me from the walls I continue to build.

on the standard of sweetness...

"So I have come down to deliver them from the power of the Egyptians, 
and to bring them up from that land to a good and spacious land, 
to a land flowing with milk and honey..." 

- Exodus 3:8

The Old Testament is NOT the place most Christians gravitate toward. We don't really think it's beautiful; it's hard to read, there are a lot of battles and laws and lineage and Jesus hasn't physically shown up yet. The Old Testament is not full of warm, fuzzy feelings. It is not going to give you a big, theological hug. 

In college, I had a professor who instilled within me a love for the Old Testament; for the history, the wrath, the goodness, the story. This is the greatest lesson and gift that I was given as a theology student. He allowed me to see that the Old Testament is absolutely needed and beautiful; because without the wrath, there is no need for love, and without the love, there would be no wrath. We miss that, us Christians, and we miss it hard. This summer I have journeyed through the pages of the Old Testament with a brilliant group of women. Their love for God and His Word completely encourage me. We just finished Genesis not too long ago. We wrestled with the text, asked questions, and began to hide the stories in our hearts. 

We are currently finishing Exodus, the culmination of slavery and freedom. All throughout Exodus, we see the brokenness of slavery and the beauty of the promise of freedom. These pages are meaty and hearty and full of symbolism and story. We do not just read about the chains, but feel the heaviness of the bondage, the deep anticipation and longing to be set free.

The thing that I have been clinging to is the sweetness of the Lord; Yahweh, this great and powerful and wrathful God also establishes Himself as the standard of sweetness. We see this as He provides the way to the land of flowing milk and honey, as He turns the bitter water to sweet water, as He writes the story of redemption in the midst of the wilderness. Honey, thick and gooey and sticky and sweet, a pure reflection of tangible grace.
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"...this great and powerful and wrathful God 
also establishes Himself as the standard of sweetness…"

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The land of flowing milk and honey is referenced four times throughout Exodus. Yahweh reminds them that there hope is coming, that although now they experience the dry and weary land, they will experience a land in the future that is abundant in all good things. Manna is sent from Heaven and, we are told in Exodus 16:5, that it tastes much like the sweetness of honey. Another taste of what is ahead of us; our sweet God is faithful to remind us of what is coming, that we should measure our experiences from the standard of His provision.

And I don't know about you, but I really need to lean in to that space. I need to be washed by the sweetness, to let God drench me with the thick and gooey truth of His goodness. I want my heart to trade in its bitter places for the sweetness of His constant provision and faithfulness. He leads us from our bondage into His blessing, from slavery into sweetness. And you know, sometimes we can't feel it or taste it or see it, but it is coming. The brokenness and bitterness and bondage now will allow us to taste and see that the Lord is sweeter than we could have ever imaged. 

on soccer moms & championing your people...

Confession: I can't wait to be a soccer mom. Or a football mom. Or a baseball mom. Or a ballet mom. Basically, my future children have no choice, they will be in sports. 

The foam fingers, pizza parties, uniforms, practices, the wins and the losses... Give me all of it, please and thank you. (Except injuries, I could do without those. Dear Jesus, please protect my future babes from such evil.) 

You guys, cheering is my jam. My spiritual gift is encouragement (which sometimes translates into very long text messages, handwritten notes, cups of coffee, large posters and cardboard face cutouts). My personality oozes championing and cheering, just ask my high school girls. And really, anyone else in my life. When I am a fan, I am a fan. Championing and cheering on others is something our culture desperately needs. We often let fear and sadness reside in places that are meant for expectancy and joy. We should be willing to climb into those places with a shovel, digging out the fear and planting hope for our people. 

What if we decided to do this daily? What if we decided to grab a shovel and a foam finger and cheer people on in the everyday moments? I think that we need to channel the spirit of the soccer mom off the field; we need to champion our people, in the big things and the small things. There is so much power in letting people know they are being thought of, prayed for, championed. Sometimes, that's the only thing that keeps people going. During a season in my life, the only thing that carried me through was the excitement and the hopeful expectancy that my community had for me. I was used to rejection and denial, I couldn't see past that cycle, past my experiences, past those lies. My people came beside me, they prayed for me, loved me, and championed me in ways that I needed. Because of their excitement and hope, I was able to have excitement and hope. They grabbed their shovels and foam fingers and said, "Girl, God's got this, you've got this."

I want to stand on the sidelines of my people with a foam finger and tell them they can do the hard things; as they enter into battlefields and new seasons, I want to be the one who calls, who sends the text, who buys the cups of coffee, who sends the flowers. I want to grab the shovel and climb into those places with them now so that I can rejoice with them later when the trophy comes. 

If Scripture tells us that God is for us, why would we not model that to the people in our lives? Why would we not be a constant source of strength and courage for them, serving as a reminder of how much God is for them? Fill your people, breathe joy and life and hope and expectancy into them. Give them big pep-talks for the big things, and even the small things. Let them borrow your confidence, and most importantly, remind them of their confidence in God. Champion them. 

Who are you championing today?