on counseling, leaves, + roots...

"Counseling is like a leaf," he said.

"How does a leaf fall?"

I sat there, thinking about the leaf. A leaf falls quietly, follows the wind, loops around a bit, then eventually lands. It floats, with vague direction, until it reaches the ground.

"Exactly. And that's kind of what the goal of counseling is; you meet with someone a few times, they ask you questions, you loop around and mention a few things here and there, then you finally land. And Kristi... you just landed."

I am a huge advocate for counseling, for anyone and everyone. You don't need to have experienced trauma to necessitate counseling, you just need to have experienced life, and friends, we are all experiencing life. If you are breathing, you should be in counseling.

Unfortunately, I have experienced many a trauma in my life; I have been surrounded by much and it has influenced how I view God, people, myself. Alcoholism, broken relationships, abuse, addiction, generational sin... It's all apart of my story. My trauma is not my fault, but it is now my responsibility. These burdens that have been placed on me are now an opportunity to seek God. 

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"The trauma in your life is NOT your fault, but it is now your responsibility..."

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So I sit, every two weeks, with a man who pastors me, shepherds me, guides me, and leads me inward, outward, and upward. We talk about childhood, unhealthy tendencies, strengths, weaknesses, relationships, Jesus, healing, hurts, friendships, boundaries, fears. This man, these mornings spent with him, have come at a time when I so desperately have needed healing. I honestly don't even think I was aware of how bruised my heart had become over the past year. 

We are working on re-wiring, re-framing, re-imagining. Every two weeks, we talk through the topics that make me cringe, some of which I have no answer for, and maybe that's the whole point. I don't have all the answers, and that's totally okay. 

So as the leaves fall with the changing weather, so do the leaves of my heart. 

Slowly but surely, the leaves are falling, the tree will be bare, and the roots will be exposed.