Wednesday, March 11, 2015

prince farming & the happily ever after...


That’s all, thank you and good night.

But, in all seriousness, we all know that Whitney was the apple of his eye since day one (or the corn of his field…), or at least since the moment they crashed that wedding together (foreshadow?!). Before I get ahead of myself, let’s take a look at the night in its entirety…

Chris and his family are about the most beautiful thing. I love that there is so much love and simplicity to their family. Would we expect anything less from the all-American farmer? NO, the answer is no.

She shows up to meet the family looking beautiful as always in her flannel dress (which is another sign that she is going to rock the farm-chic look out there in Arlington!). After the sweetest toast to Chris and his family, I am convinced that they need Whitney to be the new addition to their family. I want her to marry my brother and I don’t even have one. We see the return of the Soules Sisters (yes, I am still confident that I would erupt into Train’s “Soul Sister” every time I sit down with them…) and Whitney fits in with them perfectly. (I am also wondering if the Soules Sisters are ashamed of their initial approval of Princess Jade, because, homegirl turned out to be the wild mustang that they would NEVER want sitting on a couch with them… Just a thought.) Homegirl is genuinely in love with Prince Farming and wants to build an amazing life with him full of corn-shucking babies! There are no other words, they are just perfect. The Soules Sisters give their stamp of approval and so does Mama Soules. Smitten, we are all just smitten.

In the middle of Whitney and Becca, we see Chris having some man time with his family, and I start to get a little peeved. All he can talk about is Becca and I am like, “EXCUSE ME, BUT WHITNEY.” But, I am not nervous, because I am pretty sure Whitney and Chris have been meant to be since day one.

First off, the girl shows up in a denim chambray that is showing basically all of her bra and business. Nope, not something you should wear in front of the family. Or in public. Put that away lady! They have a fun time with Becca, but I can’t help but think that’s all that’s happening. I feel like she is a fun friend that he invited over to his house. Later, they are going to play FIFA and order a pizza. (Do people and Iowa play FIFA? Do they even have a local pizza place?) The Soules Sisters sit Becca down and she is very honest with them; she thinks she is falling in love, but she doesn’t know if she is there just yet. And, I get this. I understand her heart and where she is… She has never been in love, so she has nothing to compare her feelings to; THIS IS ME. I will be the Becca who needs a man to be patient and to teach me what is normal and how to even do this whole thing. This is okay, BUT, it doesn’t really work in the world of “The Bachelor”. You can’t ask for patience when you have eight weeks to microwave a relationship on high. In the real world, you can ask for patience, but not in the world of rose ceremonies.

After family time, we turn to some one on one time, and I must say, Becca got the short end of the stick. They spent time in her hotel room, talking about her reservations and how she is just not “there” yet and Chris is basically pulling water from a stone, trying to gain clarity and understand where she is at and what it means from the future, and she just can’t even. Becca is a sweet, good girl, but again, we are in the world where patience is NOT A VIRTUE. But, you have to respect a girl who is honest and doesn’t embellish her feelings just because this is television. Props. For their alone time, Prince Farming takes Whitney out to his farm to harvest corn. She is so excited. I am so excited. And they are in a tractor in the middle of the snow-laden fields of Arlington and I am just loving this whole thing. I could look at that view forever (the snow-laden fields… and Chris…). He also shows her his bachelor pad, which has a sunroom, and part of me wonders what man has a sunroom… I want a sunroom! I want to look out at the sun rising and falling on the snow-lade fields… and Chris… I feel like the alone time only solidified what we have been thinking the whole time… PRINCESS WHITNEY. I mean, he took her to his farm and his house and his sunroom while Becca had to stay in her measly hotel room. People, the difference is obvious.

The time comes for Neil Lane to whip out his diamonds and help Chris choose a sparkly ring for the soon to be Princess Farming. And, let me just tell you, that colored diamonds are not a thing that I am on board with… Pink diamonds? NO. The answer is no. I was genuinely nervous that Chris, out of stress and anxiety, would pick the pink diamonds. For the love, Whitney is not a pink diamond kind of girl! Pull it together, Neil Lane! He continues to show square cuts and cushion cuts and princess cuts and I am over here DYING. The square ones… All of them. YES.

The scene is set for the proposal… His barn is decorated in Pottery Barn chandeliers, stained glass windows, candle lanterns, and about 17,000 other things. It was lovely, but a little too much. First to show up to the barn… Becca. She is wearing a velvet red dress and immediately it is the wrong choice for her. A VELVET DRESS? You are a few years too late for that, dear. Chris kindly lets Becca know that she is not the future Mrs. Soules and I am elated. And so is Becca. There were no tears, no frustrations, nothing. She handled this with the most grace and kindness, and frankly, I didn’t expect that. But, I guess, if you don’t know if you’re in love with someone, then the feelings are just kind of bland to begin with. Adios Becca, go find a man who isn’t looking for a rushed, microwaved love.

And then Whitney shows up… AND THE GIRL IS STUNNING. Her hair is amazing, her dress is phenomenal, her earrings are on point, and the only thing that can make her ensemble any better is the ring that Chris is about to put on her finger! She walks into the barn, shaking, borderline weeping, and starts just talking. She is so nervous, her voice is shaking, and it’s the most precious thing. I want to tell her “SHUT UP! HE HAS A QUESTION FOR YOU!” But, it was such a genuine moment, her heart was on her sleeve, and that’s Whitney for you. Chris makes his speech about how he loved crashing the wedding with her, loves her passion and personality, and HOMEBOY GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND I JUMPED OFF THE COUCH SCREAMING AND YELLING AND JUMPING AROUND. You think I am kidding, ask my friend Kelly, it totes happened. She of course says yes and proudly slips that ring on her cold, farmer’s wife finger. And the best moment? When Chris exclaims “I LOVE YOU!” in such a giddy, all-encompassing way; he is finally able to tell one woman that he loves her, unashamedly, with no reservations, with no Sister Wives getting crazy in the next room over. The proposal ends with them sitting in the window of the barn, overlooking their future farm, dreaming of their future babies who are going to be freaking cute (Chris used a different choice of words…).

And I want to end there, because the last hour with Becca and Whitney and Chris was so pointless. Chris Harrison kept asking Prince Farming, “Well, what if… What if… What if…” And I wanted to punch him in the face. LIFE IS FULL OF WHAT IFS! I mean, what if Whitney gets cancer? What is Chris looses his farm? What if Chris can’t have kids? Harrison, we might as well go down these roads if you are asking all the what-ifs in America. Becca was, again, graceful in all her answers; she is a very self-aware, wise person and I have no doubt that she will make a man happy someday. And then Jimmy Kimmel gifted a cow to the future Mr. and Mrs. Soules. Happy times, y’all. And then it was announced that the next BACHELORETTES, plural, are going to be Britt and Kaitlyn. I don’t understand how this will play out, but that is okay. I am all about Kaitlyn and her fun spirit, but Britt? Gag me. Go take a shower and never come back.

And that’s the end, that happily ever after!
Now the magazines come out, the online articles are published, and the crazy rumors start… Are they still together? Having their first child? Setting the date? Did they elope?

All I know is that it was a good season, a wild ride as a Bachelor rookie, and I am not sure how I feel about watching another season. But, that’s a different post for another day…

What are your thoughts?
Were you rooting for Becca?
Are you #teambritt or #teamkaitlyn?
Would you ever wear pink diamonds?

1 comment:

  1. I am literally sitting here crying because I am laughing so hard.

    "What if whitney gets cancer. What if Chris can't have kids."

    You are my favorite.