Tuesday, January 20, 2015

prince farming & the other wedding...


Last night’s episode, I actually couldn’t take seriously. Each week, the girls get even more emotional and more ridiculous with their responses.

Prince Farming took our ladies to the farm so they could milk goats, catch pigs, and all the other farm things that everyone in Iowa inherently knows how to do. Also, goat milk... gag me. I would never... These group dates are the most awkward thing I have ever witnessed, and I am so thankful that I will never take part in such an activity. I already have a hard time being normal when it comes to dating, can you imagine me in a group date? I WOULD BE IN THE CORNER IN A FETAL POSITION, SANS HEELS AND MASCARA. A dating competition does not sound like my jam in any way, shape, or form (but especially in the form of a pool party!). Speaking of pool parties, I DIED. The bathing suits, or lack thereof (BLACK BARS EVERYWHERE…) completely irritated me. Also, who wears heels with a bikini? Or any type of swimsuit? I don’t even wear heels when I am fully clothed… I instantly went back to judgment/comparison mode as mentioned in week ones post.

And yes, I judged Mr. Soules for his necklace. You can’t trust a man who wears a necklace, you just can’t, especially ones that are macramé or puka shells. Seriously, not a fan. (Update: I have been told this "necklace" was his mic... My stance on the man necklace still stands...) Maybe we can use money from the now infamous Amazing Jar to buy him some under shirts to wear under his zip-up hoodies while we are at it.
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You can’t trust a man who wears a necklace,
you just can’t, especially ones that are
macramé or puka shells…
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One on one dates were pretty fun this week… Kaitlyn pretty much got the short end of the stick with Costco and Jimmy Kimmel and everything that came with it. But, WHITNEY KILLED. My girl! She thought that she was going to be looked over (yeah right, how could she?) (also, I kind of cried with her when she received her date card), and instead received the rose ON THE SPOT. Homeboy ran to get that flower… RAN. I have never been more proud of his judgment! At first I doubted whether this date was going the right way, I mean, she did leave a beautiful winery to crash a wedding. But, everything turned out beautifully, in a very weird way. Whitney, keep doing your thing!

And, about the ladies:

Whitney… No more words needed.

Kelsey… Still rooting for you! I hope you are one of the girls who are given the one on one date in this upcoming week!

Becca… She received a rose for NOT kissing Chris, and for that, she has been placed on my favorite list! That is what happens when you stick to your standards… RESPECT. Aretha Franklin was right!

Carly… She hates feeling rose-less; apparently it’s the worst thing that could ever happen in the history of humanity.  

Megan… You apparently had the “most best day ever” at the pool party.

Virgin Ashley… WE DO NOT LIVE IN PERSIA. You are not a Persian princess, so please spare us the headpieces. You are also not a Kardashian, so lets just not. Also, I could not help but laugh at her emotional rampage and pray that she would fall off the balcony in what was another extremely uncomfortable kissing scene.

Jillian… Go home. Take your black bar and just leave, for the love. I am now praying against you.

Ashley S… I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU ARE STILL ON THIS SHOW.

Mama Kenzie… He is kissing everyone, and if you aren’t okay with that, or somehow you think this is sending mixed signals… WELCOME TO THE SHOW. Maybe you and your alien fetish should just take a hike.

Jade… You made me feel uncomfortable.

Juelia… Congratulations for handling your emotions and coming clean to our dear Prince Farming. Sadly, you will probably be gone next week. Good luck!

Kaitlyn… You are fun and funny to watch and I feel bad that Jimmy Kimmel crashed your date.

Samantha… Who are you, even?

Nikki… Who are you, even?

Britt… I still don’t like you.

We said goodbye to Trina, Tracy, and Amber. Honestly, I didn’t even remember that these girls were even still on the show. I do have to thank Trina and Tracy for leaving with dignity, poise, and grace because that is how you should leave the show, especially in the beginning episodes. Amber is another story… She basically pulled a Tara from week two and threw herself a pity party.

Hands down, the greatest part of this episode was Jimmy Kimmel’s parody in the limo when he completely makes fun of the girls who leave after a few weeks… “We spent four days together! We really had a connection!” And, his whole Sister Wives comment… YES. Legitimately, that is what they are at this point, and I will be referring to them as such from this point on.

Quote of the night…
“Do I look cracky?”
“Not cracky at all…”
“Like, a crack addict or what?”
-       Megan, Virgin Ashley, and Mama Kenzie,
the self-proclaimed one on one police


Where are you at this week?
Would you ever crash a wedding?
Would you survive on these group dates?

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